Four Loko teased an incredibly hard seltzer and nobody is coping
As well as being Hot Girl Summer, it's also been the summer of hard seltzer. The range of beverages I like to refer to as the Spicy Waters got a delicious low-sugar booze injection for 2019 -- no more spiking your La Croix with gin in steadily, sloppily increasing doses!
So really, we brought this on ourselves.
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Yes, everyone's problematic-fave, definitely-not-caffeinated-anymore-really-we-promise premium malt beverage seems to have announced a hard seltzer. (Mashable has contacted Four Loko's parent company for confirmation, a release date and a full list of flavors.)
Computer, enhance:
Yes, 14 percent.
For those playing at home, in case you're too drunk for basic arithmetic, that's triple the booze in a White Claw.
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So naturally, people are accepting their fate, with all the future poor decisions, drunk "u up?" texts, and possible impromptu trips to Panama that await them in Four Loko Fall.
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The kombucha reaction meme made an appearance, of course:
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There's a dark edge to the Four Loko Hard Seltzer Discourse, given the huge controversy and very real harm linked to the original formula's dangerous combination of high alcohol content, caffeine, taurine, and guarana.
To reiterate, Four Loko hasn't had caffeine in it since its reformulation in 2010 -- and this refreshing liver-apocalypse-in-a-can will undoubtedly still draw the line there -- but it's still found a way to fuel a whole new generation of self-destruction.
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Make good choices, people.
Caitlin is Mashable's Australian Editor. She has written for The Guardian, Junkee, and any number of plucky little music and culture publications that were run on the smell of an oily rag and have since been flushed off the Internet like a dead goldfish by their new owners. She also worked at Choice, Australia's consumer advocacy non-profit and magazine, and as such has surprisingly strong opinions about whitegoods. She enjoys big dumb action movies, big clever action movies, cult Canadian comedies set in small towns, Carly Rae Jepsen, The Replacements, smoky mezcal, revenge bedtime procrastination, and being left the hell alone when she's reading.
