A predictive keyboard wrote a 'Game of Thrones' script and it's hilariously perfect
April 2019 is just too damn long to wait for the eight and final season of Game of Thrones. I mean, you can only rewatch the Lannister Drogon BBQ episode from Season 7 so many times while holding out for another full year.
But don't worry. A hero has emerged from the flames to cast a light and end our long, dark night. And it's an algorithm.
The folks at Botnik Studios, a team of artists and developers, heard our pleas and put their technological magic to use. They created a script for Episode 1 of Season 8 using predictive text AI that learned everything from previous Game of Thrones scripts. And honestly, the result is not only eerily spot-on, but possibly more entertaining than any other Game of Thrones episode to date.
Here's the full "script," and we dare you to try and find a single flaw in this masterpiece:
It's hard to pick favorites, but here are some of the stand out moments from this revealing episode:
Varys' characteristically candid assessment that, "Morals are like balls.... I find myself utterly without them."
Euron, lord of prick, taking up hair-braiding for Yara.
We're calling it now: "We're just fating around like cats in a castle!" is the new "I drink and I know things." Pre-order your t-shirts today.
Predictably, Bran's ability to see all continues to be useless, as gazes into the future to assure everyone that, "we are all still friends then."
[Jon is being beautiful and looking hard at things] pretty much sums up the entirety of Kit Harrigton's acting over the past seven seasons.
Dany adds another title to her name, but she really just wants is a pretty chair
Let's call it a day and replace all of Jon's future lines with: "I am guilty of never having fun"
Cersei's extremely on-brand new pet: a bird skeleton.
Qyburn licking his lips and touching the ground "in a sex way" is more true to his character in the books than anything we've seen on screen.
SPOILER ALERT: Davos' true connection to onions isn't smuggling, but conversation.
Dany, a few episodes too late, realizes, "I will ride a dragon even if you don't want me to!"
SPOILER ALERT: Tormund doesn't make it after the White Walkers destroyed the wall, but still refuses to bend the knee as an undead zombie because FREE FOLK ARE METAL AS HELL.
Phew. What a wild ride. Can't wait for next Sunday's episode. Until then, we'll be pouring ovver Reddit theories proving that Tyrion is secretly the Night King in the future.
H/T Winter is Coming
Jess is an LA-based culture critic who covers intimacy in the digital age, from sex and relationship to weed and all media (tv, games, film, the web). Previously associate editor at Kill Screen, you can also find her words on Vice, The Atlantic, Rolling Stone, Vox, and others. She is a Brazilian-Swiss American immigrant with a love for all things weird and magical.
