Liberal goats are destroying America
When goats aren't doing yoga and posing for Instagram, they're trying to influence OUR elections.
On Tuesday, these elitist barnyard animals were spotted at a polling station at Virginia Tech in Blacksburg, Virginia.
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Virginia is looking to replace Gov. Terry McAuliffe with either Lt. Gov. Ralph Northam, a Democrat, or Ed Gillespie, the Republican candidate and former Enron lobbyist who's run a very Trump-esque campaign.
Goats might seem non-partisan. But what's the Democratic symbol? A donkey. Which is basically a dumb, less evil-looking goat.
Also, several sources confirm that there were goats at the VICE office on Tuesday. Hmmm, big fans of the liberal lamestream media, huh goats?
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Oh, also the group behind the petting zoo at Virginia Tech, NextGen America, was created by Tom Steyer, the billionaire who's spent $10 million on ads trying get lawmakers to impeach Donald Trump.
He's upset with both the White House and Nancy Pelosi, but apparently, he has goats on his side.
Also, seriously, if you live in Virginia, New Jersey, Utah, or any of the other states holding elections today, go vote -- even if there aren't goats at your polling station.
Keith Wagstaff is an assistant editor at Mashable and a terrible Settlers of Catan player. He has written for TIME, The Wall Street Journal Magazine, NBC News, The Village Voice, VICE, GQ and New York Magazine, among many other reputable and not-so-reputable publications. After nearly a decade in New York City, he now lives in his native Los Angeles.
