The best and worst of Homebrand as we say goodbye
The end is near for the brand of choice for Australia's cheapskates and starving students.
Homebrand, the generic grocery line at Woolworths supermarkets, famous for its low prices and Russian roulette attitude to taste, could soon be gone.
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According to Fairfax Media, the supermarket will be renaming 1,000 Homebrand products as "Essentials," flagrantly disregarding the 33 years of heritage the label carries. The change is apparently aimed at challenging customer perceptions that Homebrand is inferior to similar entry-level items available at Aldi and Coles.
What would give them that idea?
To be fair, although some Homebrand items are pretty nasty, the brand carries some gems in its miserly, all-white packaging that wouldn't be quite the same without the famous name.
Here are the most satisfying and the most disgusting items, as decided by us.
The best:
Homebrand Choc Chip Cookies
Like big discs of sugar, these moreish bad boys are only A$1.99 (US$1.50) for half a kilogram (1.1 pounds) of compound chocolate goodness. Go on then and have another bag, you cheeky devil.
Homebrand Orange & Mango Drink
Generic supermarket brands are unsurprisingly excellent when it comes to making sugary stuff, and their Orange & Mango Fruit Drink is no exception. It's likely they couldn't legally call it juice because there isn't much fruit in it, but we're here for the thirst quenching and not the vitamins.
Hot tip: The proper way is to drink it straight from the carton.
Homebrand Garlic Bread
These frozen logs of goodness are unlikely to feature on the menu boards at your local Italian restaurant, but they'll be the highlight of your ultra-cheap spaghetti bolognese dinner. Proof that even the most dire situations can be improved with a hunk of butter, garlic and bread.
Homebrand Neapolitan Ice Cream
While your yuppie mates are lining up for an hour to spend 15 bucks on an affogato gelato mochaccino that's won some award at a competition they've never heard of, they're missing out on the pleasures of neapolitan ice-cream, priced at a very reasonable A$4.29 (US$3.25) for a mega tub of chocolate, vanilla and strawberry deliciousness.
The strawberry flavour is likely the result of dubious science laboratory experiments, but that's the least of your worries now that you're on the couch and your mates aren't.
Homebrand 'Nachos'
Consisting of three key Homebrand ingredients, plain corn chips, shredded tasty cheese and salsa in a jar, lumped together on a plate and thrown in a microwave -- it's what dinner will be at your friend's place after a never-ending Sunday afternoon "chilling" and playing Mario Kart 64. Pass it on the left hand side.
The bad:
Homebrand Triple Choc Biscuits
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Like the 1998 film remake of Godzilla or 2001's Planet of the Apes, this unfortunate tribute to the Tim Tam biscuit was never ever going to be as good. We cry inside for those who have been subjected to it.
Homebrand Ham & Chicken Roll
While it says "ham & chicken" on the packet, we'll never touch this mystery meat concoction ever. If you're of a fan of devon -- Australia's favourite mystical lunchmeat -- by all means, go ahead.
Homebrand Toilet Paper
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How much do you hate other people? If you hate them enough, why not torment them with a roll of 1-ply Homebrand toilet paper. It's surely only the next level up from sandpaper, or just using your hands.
Goodbye Homebrand. It was nice to know some of you.
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