65 questions we all had while watching 'House of Cards' Season 4
NOTE: This post contains spoilers about Season 4 of House of Cards. The Entire. Darn. Thing. You've been warned.
So you spent the weekend plowing through new episodes of House of Cards. Maybe you feel accomplished. Maybe you feel inexplicably sad. Maybe you feel revenge-y. Or maybe you feel like you have SO MANY QUESTIONS.
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We sure did while watching Frank and Claire Underwood claw their way to new, unimaginable heights of power.
Below, we work through our feelings.
1. Episode 1!! ... Did anyone else forget this reporter guy existed?
2. Is this the most awkward bedtime story ever?
3. Anyone else getting a strong Nicholas Sparks movie vibe from Claire's childhood home? I feel like Claire's high school sweetheart is going to walk through the door any minute and rekindle their friendship ... and maybe more.
4. Frank is the damn President of the United States and this is the best hotel room they could find for him?
5. Is anyone on the prop team aware that real Texas lizards are three times the length of that rubber thing Elizabeth just killed?
6. Why is Frank beating up Dream Claire? Why is Dream Claire stabbing Frank? Why did they have to add the squishy sound when she goes for the eyes? This is all one question because when I first screamed it, it was in a single sentence.
7. How many episodes will it take for me to remember Neve Campbell's character's name?
8. Why is everyone onscreen not bowing down to Cicely Tyson?
9. Who will be the first to unlock their jaw and consume the other person in this scene between Frank and Elizabeth?
10. Could WITSEC really not find a better name for Lucas than "John Carlyle"? #nooffensetoJohnCarlyles
11. Episode 2! Have we solved the mystery of who this random old man who waits on Elizabeth is?
12. Is watching Frank screw over Claire making anyone else hope she suddenly develops the ability to shoot lasers from her eyes?
13. Is anyone else shocked it took Frank almost two whole episodes to talk to the camera?
14. Will Ellen Burstyn win an Emmy purely for her delivery of the line "I am the mother!"
15. It's only Episode 3 -- is anyone else already reaching their Intense Frank Speech limit?
16. Has anything not shady ever happened at one of those bank safe-deposit box vaults?
17. Why didn't Lucas just rent a car ... or take an Uber?
18. Is Frank just stressed or literally in need of mental health assistance? I can't with all these domestic violence dreams anymore.
19. This KKK stuff is eerie; do the House of Cards writers have a crystal ball?
20. Can someone give Lucas a hug, please?
21. Sorry, are we seriously talking about Claire being his running mate?! This show...
22. Can you imagine how awkward it must have been for the person who found this wall art?
23. Are the Prez and Meechum going to make out?
24. How the heck does everyone get around so fast? Are they teleporting? I know they fly private, but the rules of time still exists.
25. How did Lucas get a gun?
26. NOT MEECHUM. WHY!?
27. So in the House of Cards universe, Charlie Gibson hasn't retired?
28. Where do I put in my request to have 80% less Dream Frank?
29. Claire hasn't eaten all day, so she's having a salad?
30. How much you want to bet Doug is going to cut out his own liver and give it to Frank?
31. Can you really kill a person with a cup? Asking for Seth.
32. Is Frank gonna die? Am I?
33. Why would Frank's dream Zoe have that haircut?
34. Is anyone a little sad to see Dunbar done? Me neither.
35. Does anyone else want a bumper sticker that says, "I'm done letting you have your dignity"?
36. Would Claire and Petrov be BFFs in another life?
37. Who else is HERE for Republican yuppie Joel Kinnaman?
38. Am I the only one cringing during this sex scene, and who else wishes TV would stop pretending foreplay isn't a thing?
39. Did they just introduce fake ISIS?
40. Why is all the food so tiny and not delicious looking on this show?
41. Has science ever looked into the health effects of too many fictional campaign speeches?
42. Bumper sticker proposal No. 2: "You guessed it; I still hate children." Yes/no?
43. Has Conway's wife been British the whole time?
44. Why is everyone so boldly evil on this show?
45. What am I watching?
46. Should I make a Vine of this Frank-wall moment set to that Puff Daddy song? (I should.)
47. Is Tom Yates the new Meechum? And I don't mean the head of secret service detail...
48. Oh no, is Doug about to pull a Doug on Moretti's family? (Pull a Doug. verb. 1. to become uncomfortably fixated on something.)
49. Could anyone else go the rest of their lives without hearing Frank say the phrase "muggier than a street walker's twat" again?
50. Episode 10. Is anyone else a little freaked out by the baby teeth?
51. Why are there so many Toms on this show?
52. Are Tom and Claire going to do it? (Spoiler: Yup.)
53. Did anyone else briefly think Frank was actually going to confess to killing Peter and Zoe?
54. Why doesn't anyone on this White House staff notice that Tom's not that great at writing speeches?
55. Is "You're a motherfucker, Mr. President" the line of the season?
56. Why are Tom and Claire being so careless about their sexytime? That room does not look secure at all.
57. If you were Tom the reporter, wouldn't you at least be tempted to throw a totally off-topic, personal question into this ultra high-stakes game of Never Have I Ever?
58. Frank is either going to kill Tom or kiss him, right?
59. Cool?
60. Anyone else LOLing IRL at these ICO guys?
61. Re: Conway's speech to the terrorists: Has any thespian ever had a finer moment of phone acting?
62. Why is the widow making Doug dinner?
63. Is Seth's email and phone call overload really stressing anyone else out?
64. Who do we have to bribe in order for the first scene of Season 5 to be Remy and Jackie just chillin' at Disneyland?
65. What the hell am I supposed to do now?
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Sandra Gonzalez was a Senior Television Reporter at Mashable. A Texas native, she spent almost four years in New York City before leaving the land of superstorms for Los Angeles, where she was introduced to these terrifying things called "rolling earthquakes."Previously, she was with Entertainment Weekly, where she wrote about every show that could fit into her perfectly crafted TV schedule and anything ever touched by Shonda Rhimes.You can reach her at [email protected] or on Twitter @theSandraG
