It is NOT too late to invite me to a Halloween party
My dearest 834 Facebook friends,
I know that I seem like a chill and approachable socialite who is invited to parties all the time.
And I, of course, am just that.
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You're correct to assume that I am constantly invited to parties. Cool parties in nice apartments with more than one bathroom, and parties in clubs where they put different drinks in bottles.
Like the Fourth of July and New Year's Eve, Halloween is good for hot people with tons of friends. Which is what I am, so don't worry about that.
But this year, I just wanted to put out a little reminder that it's not too late to invite me to a Halloween party.
Not to say I don't already have, like, a ton of plans. I totally do. People love to invite me to parties because I show up on time and I bring a bottle of wine or flowers or both. And I know Halloween is Monday, which means there will be a lot of parties this weekend. Again, I already know about them. The one at Ryan's, the one at Cate's.
So if you were like, oh, she's definitely already going to a party, so we don't need to invite her, just know, you can totally still invite me. I'm sure I'll be able to swing by for a little.
In fact, I'll make it even easier for you: here's a sample text you can copy and paste to invite me: "Hey! You are a person whose company I enjoy. We would love if you joined us at the big Halloween party tonight!"
You were probably also thinking, "This is someone who's definitely already doing a couples costume." Hey, how about this: that might be the case, but feel free to invite me to do one with you, anyway. I'll be kind in my rejection. And you never know, maybe I'll say "Yes!" and respond enthusiastically within 2 seconds.
And if you thought that, you almost certainly were like, "Hey, she's probably doing a big group costume already, so it wouldn't be worth it to invite her to join ours, even though we're being the cast of Trolls, and she'd perfectly fit in our extra costume."
Well, yeah! Duh, I'm already in a group costume, but that doesn't mean I won't ditch those other guys for you! And when you'll ask, "Hey, who were you doing the other group costume with?" I'm going to deflect and change the subject, because I'm a good person and don't want to badmouth anyone.
If you're doing anything the morning after your big party, like grabbing brunch or renting a Zipcar and heading toward the coast for some apple picking, go and ahead and invite me to that too! Am I already getting brunch and renting a Zipcar? Like, almost certainly.
But will I let you down gently, OR say, "Absolutely, I will be there and bring a ton of snacks." You never know which, so just ask!
So please invite me. If I do show up, it's because I bailed on some other awesome plans. And if I don't, it's because I'm at some other big party, and not because I realized that waiting out the weekend in my bed seemed most fun.
Jessye McGarry is an acquaintance, middle child and former Humor Intern at Mashable.
