Swiping is the new cheating—or is it?

LONDON -- Exclusivity in relationships isn't the same as it used to be.

In the days before online dating, being "exclusive" with your lover meant you'd cease to date and sleep with other people.

But now, with the kaleidoscopic array of dating apps at our finger tips, the lines between what does and does not constitute cheating have blurred. A swipe here, a message there -- these are the acts that lead to dates, dalliances and, sometimes, deep, meaningful relationships.

But, in the age of casual, label-free dating, what does it mean when the person you're dating is still swiping on online dating apps?

Executive assistant Mandy found out that the man she had been dating was still using Bumble through subtle changes she had noticed in his profile.

"I found out he was still using the app because the location for him would change frequently, therefore he was logging in -- either to swipe or message -- when we weren't together," she told Mashable.

Mandy said she felt completely powerless, and she didn't feel that she could confront him about it.

"Women are constantly told to not be demanding, needy or desperate, so I avoided asking him outright about it. But the feeling that you are in contest with thousands of women is destabilising and made me wonder what the point of online dating is," Mandy continued.

Mashable dove into the topic and found that not everyone agrees on whether it constitutes cheating -- but it's overwhelmingly women who want to talk about it. Here are three different perspectives on the issue.

It's a betrayal even if you're only seeing each other

Lifestyle blogger Ashleigh Dougherty says that a lot of the guys she has dated have carried on swiping behind her back.

"I have been in this situation many, many times," Dougherty told Mashable.

"I find that a lot of guys I date still tend to use Tinder on the sly when they are bored or waiting for a text back from me. I was recently dating someone who said all the right things that a girl wants to hear and even deleted Tinder without me prompting him to (I kept mine)," Dougherty continued.

"After date number three, he told me things were getting too serious and then -- surprise, surprise -- his profile photo on Tinder was changed," she said.

Dougherty says that she does consider swiping to be a kind of cheating, even when you're only seeing someone.

"I take guys seriously on Tinder and I do not use it whilst I am dating someone after two or three dates with them because I see it as a betrayal," Dougherty continued.

Designer Jane Cooper told Mashable that it depends on how long you've been dating the person.

"If someone is swiping when we start dating it isn't a problem, but when they are going on lots of dates or being shady about it then it's never going to work. There has to be transparency," says Cooper. "I was seeing a guy a while ago who would start swiping the moment we had an argument. All of my friends would send me screenshots -- it was quite funny really. I cut ties pretty quickly because there was no trust there," Cooper said.

It's not cheating unless you're in a committed relationship

Dating and relationship coach India Kang told Mashable that the only time swiping constitutes cheating is when you're engaged or married.

"Unless you’re in a committed relationship, whereby both parties have agreed to date exclusively, swiping isn’t a form of cheating, it’s more ‘keeping your options open.’"

Kang says that until you've had a talk about exclusivity, it's very normal for people to keep swiping on dating apps.

If one partner is swiping and the other isn't, Kang says that it could give you an idea of the person's feelings and intentions.

"Their action to continue using dating apps means they’re not sure about you. If they’re still using apps, so should you," Kang continued.

If you're hiding it, then you know it's wrong

Dating and sex blogger Naomi Lewis also thinks if you're seeing someone then swiping is "not cool".

"I don't know whether you'd call it cheating per se, but if you'd feel the need to hide the fact that you're swiping from the person you're seeing, then you obviously know it's wrong," Lewis told Mashable.

"It's like a guy from work texting you and when he does you hide your phone from the guy you're seeing. You're not cheating but you still feel like you're doing something bad -- not a good start to a relationship when you're beginning to build trust," Lewis continued.

Lewis says that if you're honest and you tell the other person that you're still swiping online then it's fine.

"When you're dating, you want to know that you're the only one striking someone's interest, and swiping shows a serious lack of interest, so would turn a person off," Lewis continued.

Checking your partner's dating profile incessantly might not be the healthiest way to find out if you are both on the same page, so if you are in any doubt, having an open and honest conversation might be the way forward.

If they want to carry on swiping and you don't, weigh up how that makes you feel. If it makes you uncomfortable, think about whether you want to continue in that relationship, and assess the reasons behind the swiping activity.

In short, trust your instincts and don't continue with something, or someone, that makes you unhappy.

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