Everybody is calling bullsh*t on Ivanka Trump's 'punk phase'

Nestled amongst the many useful parenting tips in Ivana Trump's new memoir, Raising Trump, is the revelation that Trump's eldest daughter Ivanka reportedly had a "punk phase" — during which she loved Nirvana and dyed her hair blue (for about five seconds), she writes in her mom's book.

One problem, Ivanka dear: Nirvana is grunge, not punk. As in angst and flannel and the Pacific Northwest, not studs and anarchy and decaying, mid-size industrial cities in the U.K.

In the passage, first spotted by New York Magazine, Ivanka details how her rebellious hair dying episode is actually responsible for her current signature platinum lewk.

During my punk phase in the nineties, I was really into Nirvana. My wardrobe consisted of ripped corduroy jeans and flannel shirts. One day after school, I dyed my hair blue. Mom wasn’t a fan of this decision. She took one look at me and immediately went out to the nearest drugstore to buy a $10 box of Nice’n Easy. That night, she forced me to dye my hair back to blond. The color she picked out was actually three shades lighter than my natural color… and I have never looked back!

Trump also reportedly cried for a full day after Kurt Cobain died. We guess the moral of these stories are that mom knows best? How ... punk rock?

It wasn’t too long after this that Kurt Cobain, the singer, songwriter, and guitarist for Nirvana, committed suicide. It was a shock and I was distraught. Mom had no idea who Kurt Cobain was, and she sympathized only so much. After twenty-four hours of my crying inconsolably in my room, alone—major melodrama—Mom had to pull me out of there to go down to dinner.

Listen, conflating grunge and punk is certainly a musical sin. Everyone knows that grunge was the dispirited '90s comedown from the consuming counterculture rage of the '70s and '80s, duh!

But Ivanka was pretty much being a normal teen by loving Kurt Cobain in 1994. And by not getting the ~nuances~ of punk v. grunge, she was probably in the same boat as most oblivious American kids reeking of teen spirit during the downtrodden years of the early '90s recession.

Oh, what's that? The Trumps actually financially benefited from the '90s recession, and Ivanka's punk sensibilities did not hold her back from wearing this knotted cardigan ensemble just a few years later?

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We guess she was out of her "punk phase" by then.

The internet was quick to point out the discrepancy and has already gone a lil' wild with Punk Ivanka memes, puns on lyrics, and a hearty dose of skepticism.

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No word yet on whether The Clash's "I Fought the Law" was an important factor in Ivanka's decision to evade criminal real estate fraud charges at all costs.