15 facts that prove you're better off single
Science, nature or something in between wants you to be alone forever. It's a fact.
Looking at our biology, psychology and good old statistics when it comes to our relationships, it's pretty clear that the odds are bleak when it comes to finding your happily ever after.
While the world may seem like a cold, dark, lonely place, take comfort in the fact that we're all in the same boat.
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Good news, singles: you no longer have to feel ashamed over not finding a partner.
1. There are 80 million germs exchanged in every kiss.
According to the Microbiology and Systems Biology department at TNO (Nederlandse Organisatie voor Toegepast), a kiss lasting approximately 10 seconds will swap about 80 million germs with your partner.
Do you know how clean your partner is? We hope so.
2. The more you post about your S.O. on Facebook, the fewer friends you'll have.
If you have high "relationship disclosure" -- meaning, if you post about every little thing about your super happy, super romantic relationship on Facebook -- you may end up killing your likability when it comes to your friends.
It's up to you. Baes come and go but friendships last forever.
3. The "woman-on-top" position is most likely to damage a man's penis.
Scientists in Brazil determined that the "cowgirl" or "woman-on-top" sex position is most likely to damage a man's penis. Unfortunately, this same position is one of the best for achieving the female orgasm. It's all lose-lose.
4. In America, between 40-50 percent of marriages end in divorce.
Flip a coin and hope it comes up heads.
5. Wolves, beavers and bats are better at monogamy than we are.
Only 3 to 5 percent of the roughly 5,000 species of mammals (including humans) form lifelong, monogamous bonds.
Daniel Kruger, a social and evolutionary psychologist at the University of Michigan's School of Public Health said, "We're special in this regard, but at the same time like most mammals, we are a polygynous species."
6. Heterosexual women, you're more likely to be murdered by your male partner than anyone else.
Nearly half of all female murder victims are killed by their partners. It's enough to make you want to lock your doors and delete every dating app you have.
7. The average wedding cost in the United States is $26,444.
Bye, paychecks. Bye, savings. Bye, vacation days.
8. The average cost of raising a child is approximately $245,340.
If you're thinking of creating offspring, make sure you budget your life away.
9. Online dating is ruining everything.
The potential for non-committal sex is high thanks to Tinder and OkCupid. For men especially, getting into a relationship means having to give that all up, so they are less likely to do so. While women get just as much attention on dating apps as men do, they are more likely to want a committed relationship.
Our psychological evolution is to blame for this mis-matching. Damn, science.
10. Your coffee intake can kill your libido.
Caffeine, while a stimulant, is also dehydrating, which can really effect your sex drive. Not to mention, coffee jitters are not great for achieving climax and can even affect your anxiety levels.
So it's your choice: drink that afternoon pick-me-up or get laid. Tough decision.
11. Couples with kids are reportedly less happy than couples without.
Your happily-married-with-kids friends are probably lying to you. One study conducted by Jennifer Glass of the University of Texas, Robin Simon of Wake Forest University and Matthew Andersson of Baylor University shows that, on average, an American parent reports being 13 percent unhappier than a non-parent.
Whip that statistic out next time someone nags you about not having kids.
12. Over time, the marriage age has gone up and frequency has gone down.
In 1950, the average marriage age was 22, compared to 28 today. Also, the rate of people getting married in 1950 was 11.1 to one, compared to 6.8 to one today.
13. Technology is against you.
Your addiction to your smartphone and social media is going to doom your relationship. Not only do these things breed jealousy between partners, they cut down on quality time connecting with them.
As much as it may feel like it sometimes, your phone is not your S.O.
14. The odds of finding someone are against you.
For heterosexual singles, there are 86 single men to every 100 single women in America. In addition, according to the Williams Institute, the LGBT community is an even smaller piece of the demographic pie.
We're all doomed, people.
15. The sun will eventually explode and there's nothing we (currently) can do about it.
Sure, it'll take about 4 to 5 billion years to do so, but that's also approximately how long it'll take you to find your soul mate. Probably.
Andrea Romano -- comedy writer, craft enthusiast, lady -- was a Watercooler Reporter. She worked as an intern at Mashable beginning in January 2014. Andrea recently completed her Masters degree in Media Studies and Film from The New School and writes sketch comedy at Upright Citizens Brigade and The People's Improv Theatre. She once watched three Paul Rudd movies in a row on a bicoastal flight and didn't realize it until she landed. She does things like that a lot. Twitter: @theandrearomano
