10 thoughts I had after leaving my phone at home for half an hour

If you, like myself, are a millennial who owns a smartphone, then you have almost certainly considered taking an extended break from your phone. You have likely considered this after missing your subway stop due to an engrossing round of Two Dots. You may have even uttered the words, “I’m seriously considering just getting a flip phone after my contract is up."

Perhaps, you've even considered blogging about your brief, but stressful digital detox. It probably would have sounded something like this:

11:15 a.m.: I haven’t spoken out loud in three days.

I have typed thousands of words across dozens of online conversations with friends, family and coworkers. I have spoken out loud once, just now, to reject my neighbor’s offer to meet the cat he's hiding from our landlord.

11:20 a.m.:  It is spring now.

You miss a lot while making unblinking eye contact with the front-facing camera on your iPhone. For example, there are leaves on the trees now. I haven't noticed the change in foliage since I purchased my first iPhone in December of 2011.

11:22 a.m.: I have internal thoughts.

With no compelling tweets to keep me entertained on the five minute walk to the supermarket, I am forced to reckon with my own internal dialogue. It is upsetting.

11:23 a.m.: I have no idea where I am.

I think I'm headed in the general direction of my local supermarket but I can't be sure. Sixty percent of my data usage goes toward Google Maps navigation so that I never have to memorize a street name again.

Original image has been replaced. Credit: Mashable

11:30 a.m.: I have no idea what I need to buy for dinner.

This is the moment I realize that the ability to follow an Ina Garten recipe pulled up on Google does not make someone a talented cook. I place two sweet potatoes and a shaker of dried garlic in my cart and head to the register.

11:35 a.m.: I haven’t read words printed on paper since 2009.

While standing in line for to pay, I stare blankly at the rack of tabloid magazines, and realize that I have not held a piece of paper in my hand since picking up a smartphone. If it isn’t backlit by a blue light screen, I haven’t read it. My eyesight is terrible.

11:36 a.m.: What is a wallet?

I use Apple Pay for everything. I abandon my groceries and leave the store.

11:37 a.m.: I am humiliated.

What does one do when they’ve been humiliated in a social situation, but are unable to pretend to be absorbed in a sudden important email until safely out of sight? 

11:38 a.m.: I still don't know where I am.

Google Maps rules my life.

11:45 a.m.: I'm home.

I'm back with my beloved iPhone. The break was nice though.

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