How will the Measure app affect dick pics? An investigation.

What, did you not think people were going to use the iPhone's new Measure app to measure their dicks?

The new feature, which debuted with iOS 12 on Monday, allows users to measure items on-screen in real time. This means that it's easier than ever to determine the exact length of your pet, but it also means there could be a few changes to how people sext in the future.

Dick pic senders can now include an exact measurement (literally, it's a ruler superimposed into the image) with their photos. If they're proud of their penis size (masculinity is a real trip), it's likely they'll go the Measure app route -- it's a concrete way to convey size without using other items for scale.

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But for the dick pic taker who depends on context, the Measure app could complicate things. People who remove all other objects from a dick pic to avoid scale analysis -- if there's also a hand in the photo, for example, it's easier to tell how long the primary subject actually is -- are now vulnerable. Should it seem like the sender has sneakily removed context clues, the recipient can simply ask for a follow-up photo from the Measure app. If the sender obliges, any prior exaggerations will be revealed. If the sender declines, the reason is clear: the dick was not that big to begin with. The sender is caught in a lie.

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Additionally, the Measure app will probably make dick pics -- most of which are already ugly -- even uglier. The genre is not exactly famous for its devotion to aesthetics, and it's likely that senders will interpret the Measure app as an excuse to ignore lighting and composition even more than they already do. After all, who cares about what it looks like as long as it's longer than average? (The answer: most people.)

Perhaps the best course of action, then, is to think of the Measure app as a resource for your sexts, not a whole new frontier -- not that that's stopping anyone on Twitter.

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