Netflix's 'The Circle' confirms we are living in the dumbest timeline

The following is a spoiler-free review of The Circle, episodes 1-4.

Netflix's The Circle should make you feel something.

Disgust, anger, fear for the state of humanity, something. It's a reality competition show about some of the planet's must clueless inhabitants vying for approval on social media. It should be a cash cow for subscribers seeking Schadenfreude, juvenile manipulation, and general stupidity.

Too bad it's among the most boring programs the reality genre has ever seen.

Living in isolated apartments, the series' contestants — including a model, a pro-basketball player, a Jersey Shore knock-off, and a handful of other nimrods — communicate through a platform known as "The Circle." Within The Circle, contestants can direct message and play games with each other, as well as update their profiles.

Over the course of 12 episodes, a rotating cast of players compete for validation and a cash prize of $100,000 in a last-person-standing game to answer, "Who's the coolest internet stranger?"

They can play as themselves, or curate fake personas to gain popularity. At the end of each round, competitors are scored, with the highest ranking people becoming "Influencers" and the lowest getting "Blocked" and eliminated.

Somewhere between a dating show, Fox Reality's Solitary, and MTV's Catfish, (with just a sprinkle of Survivor-like eliminations), The Circle is a social experiment designed to answer a big question about our online selves and humanity. You know: Tech! But! Too! Much!

In Episode 1, series narrator Michelle Buteau (who gets in great quips throughout, but is largely underutilized) asks, "How far would you go to be popular on social media if there were $100,000 at stake?" As a premise, it's pretty gross.

Still, done correctly, The Circle could have inspired debates about image curation and social hierarchy — with plenty of scandals, fights, and twists for the pearl-clutching types. As it turns out, The Circle is a whole lot of people reading their TV screens out loud (this is where the messages come through), sitting in uncomfortable silence, and waiting for strangers to text them back.

Drained of any real juice, the drama of The Circle (at least as it appears in the first four episodes) is remarkably mundane. There are accusations of players "being fake," petty judgments of profile pictures, and a recurring trend of cast members' inability to say the only Indian-American contestant's name. (It's "Shubham." One guy decides he'll just call him "Shooby" without asking, and it catches on. Shubham seems fine with it.)

These newbie reality stars do their best to provide big reactions while reading a television screen, then give their thoughts aloud for the cameras. But with everyone in isolation, the narrative rapidly devolves into a touch-and-go chatroom with little room for emotional crescendo.

Similar formats have worked in other series (see Channel 4's Googlebox), but The Circle isn't courting that kind of crowd. Touted as a "must-see 3-week event," this series baits viewers with high-stakes drama that its structure just can't deliver.

The best moments arrive when characters who have been blocked are able to meet another member of The Circle in person. There's usually some big revelation, and a little lashing out. But by then, that player is on their way out, so getting invested in their arc is pointless.

The Circle has a good chance of inspiring a few drinking games and uniting Netflix-subscribed reality fans who are tired of rewatching Dating Around and Sugar Rush. But as of the first week's installment, nothing about this snooze fest feels essential.

Unfollow, unsubscribe, uncircle, whatever.

Episodes 1-4 of The Circle are now streaming on Netflix.