Why the hell didn't any of you tell me about Orbeez?

Life is a series of crushing disappointments, and this is no exception: I have recently learned that Orbeez, which are tiny, absorbent polymer balls that expand to 100 times their original size when wet, and which YouTube personalities love to purchase by the millions and pour into pools, have existed for years.

And none of you posers thought to tell me!

Check this out. Here's a guy putting 25 million Orbeez in a swimming pool, where they become large and jelly-like, and jumping in to see if he'll float. This video has everything I like: yelling, science, and a vague connection to the Salem Witch Trials.

And no one was like, "Hey, cool vid! I'm going to pass this one on to Chloe?" Sheesh.

Here's some dude in a muscle tank dipping several pool skimmers full of dry Orbeez into a pool, watching the Orbeez expand, putting the expanded Orbeez in a trash can, putting his cute dog in that same trash can and uttering the phrase "dog spa" (my favorite phrase), then dumping those Orbeez -- one million of them -- into his girlfriend's car.

This video was published in September 2016. And no one wanted to copy-paste the link (a maximum of five clicks) and send it to my Gmail or whatever? I'm literally always checking my Gmail, and I have two accounts! Oh my god!

Next, please enjoy a video of the world record for Biggest Orbeez Waterfall. As the video description says, the clip features "MILLIONS of Orbeez dropped by a giant CRANE into a big POOL."

And you're telling me that MILLIONS of Orbeez didn't even convince you to send this to me? Or just mention it in passing? Come on.

And here's somebody putting Orbeez in a meat grinder. Look at the disgusting goop that comes out. It's like ... I could have watched this in February -- four calendar months ago.

Christ. I have never had any true friends. Whatever. Have a good weekend.