Finally, a site for highly sexual fan fiction about the Philadelphia Phillies
The Internet is a multiverse: anything you can imagine will eventually exist on it.
That's really our only explanation for "Philadelphia Sports Fan Fiction" -- a Tumblr dedicated to erotic fan fiction about the Philadelphia Phillies organization.
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The NSFW Tumblr is the sexual brain child of New York comedian Dan Moore, a huge fan of Philly sports and fan fiction. In it, you can expect scenarios like Phillies shortstop Freddy Galvis making love to a baseball with a human face.
“BABABOOM” said the ball as it flew off of Freddy Galvis’s (.286/.286/.857) bat in a home run-like pose! Freddy Galvis said “goodbye ball, thank you for being part of my home run.” The ball turned around and Freddy Galvis was surprised to see the ball had a face. And it was not just any face, it was the face of a beautiful exotic woman.
“No problem, Freddy, I want to make love to you,” said the ball seductively, like the hot rabbit in that movie. I forget what movie but there’s this movie that has a charactor who is a rabbit but god she is hot.
"I think this stuff is funny when people write it about anime or Harry Potter but I watch way more Philadelphia sports unfortunately than those other things," Moore tells Mashable. "So, I wanted to write weird sex stuff about the oppressively macho and conservative world of sports instead."
The site is unapologetically insane, and the highly sexual content is routinely followed up with intelligent baseball stats and opinions from Moore.
“That’s alright, Maikel, we’re in a rebuilding year,” said Aaron Nola (3.84 ERA/4.25 FIP). “You and me are going to team up for the next ten years and win a bunch of championships. The team is kind of bad now but it’s going to really rock once we get more experienced.”
“You rock,” said Maikel Franco. He dropped his towel...
Moore claims that he plans to write a piece of erotic fan fiction for each of the 162 games the Phillies play this season. While he may run out of ideas pretty quickly, he tells Mashable that the tropes of fan fiction (heat-of-the-moment typos and bizarre over-explanations) will provide him with enough to go on.
"Sports opinions are inherently dumb, including mine, and if you can't have fun with them, you're only causing your own misery," Moore says.
Can't argue with that.
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Max Knoblauch is the Assistant Humor Editor in the NYC office. He is a journalist, comedian and illustrator. More humor and art by Max can be found on his website.Follow him @MaxKnoblauch
