Here's what healthcare would look like if we took President Trump literally
President Trump has an incredible plan for resolving America's healthcare crisis, and while it's short on details, it's absolutely bursting with happy adjectives.
Trump successfully pulled together multiple strings of words for a free association interview with The New York Times this week. Central to that conversation was Trump's explanation of the American healthcare system, which he believes works exactly like a Burger King drive thru.
That sounds incredible.
Here's how healthcare works and should work, according to Trump, the smartest, most powerful man in the known universe:
1. The average American will pay approximately $12 a year for their health insurance, which they start paying at the age of 21.
2. Currently, no one in America receives insurance until the age of 70 years old.
3. There is only one alternative to the $12 a year plan, and that's the $15 dollar a year plan. And you still don't receive it until you're 70.
4. Both the $12 a year plan and the $15 a year plan cover exactly the same treatments.
5. Pre-existing conditions make it very hard to receive free health care which does or does not exist, he's not sure, ask Jared.
6. When Congress passes Trumpcare, Americans will be able to walk to a counter, point to the plan they want, and then get it right away. It'll be just like ordering a sandwich at the deli!
7. "Excuse me sir! I'll take an order of low premiums, please!"
8. You can have any doctor you want in his plan! Just point to the picture of the doctor you want and then you can have it!
9. If you want a particular medication, you'll say: "I want that please" and then you can have it!
10. Every single person in America is covered.
11. It's also incredibly affordable. The premiums, they're just great. They're the best in the world!
12 It's nothing like life insurance. Life insurance is fake news.
13. It's up to the states to determine whether pre-existing conditions are covered -- and also, they are covered!
14. One way that it's better than Obamacare is that Obamacare kills your family and Trumpcare does not.
15. The best way to pass such an amazing plan is to let Obamacare fail and watch people die. Then, Cryin' Chuck Schumer will come a-groveling and people will be able to order their healthcare through a drive thru window.
16. Yes, that's how healthcare works. No one knows more about healthcare than Trump so if you disagree you are, by definition, a dumb loser.
Topics Donald Trump
Heather was the Web Trends reporter at Mashable NYC. Prior to joining Mashable, Heather wrote regularly for UPROXX and GOOD Magazine, was published in The Daily Dot and VICE, and had her work featured in Entertainment Weekly, Jezebel, Mic, and Gawker. She loves small terrible dogs and responsible driving. Follow her on Twitter @wear_a_helmet.
