A 'RollerCoaster Tycoon' park sent out a perfect statement about how they're handling coronavirus

As the nation takes measures to limit the spread of COVID-19, companies are trying to assure customers that they're taking steps to stay safe.

If you've ever interacted with a business — whether it's joining their mailing list or taking a spin class one time — you're bound to receive a statement about the coronavirus from them. It's every company, from gyms to meal prep services to car insurance providers. People have been pointing out how ridiculous it is on social media.

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Now the corporate jargon is coming for RollerCoaster Tycoon, too.

Twitter user Chris Goodwin wrote up a statement from his fictional RollerCoaster Tycoon park, which assured park goers that while the park would stay open, the staff would live up to its two-time win of the Tidiest Park Award.

"We are temporarily suspending the $5 admission fee to use our restroom facilities," Goodwin wrote, joking about the notorious game strategy to up park profits by decreasing attendee happiness. "We hope that customers will use the free bathroom to wash their hands regularly throughout their stay at our park."

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Other "safety measures" include adding disinfectant to the water in the log flume ride, seating every other car in the ferris wheel, and taking the "necessary action of picking up and drowning any park patrons who show signs" of symptoms.

"We will also keep the rollercoaster that shoots straight up open, so that if customers wish to die at our park they can do so of their own volition," the statement continues.

On the plus side, the park's food stands will provide students with a free ice cream cone to offset the financial stress for families that need to feed their children during school hours — only with a valid student ID, of course.

"We will be offering a 75 percent refund on already purchased tickets if you no longer feel comfortable joining us at the park," the statement concluded.

And after all of those generous measures, who wouldn't want to visit?

Goodwin's precautions may be harsh, but considering an Equinox employee recently tested positive for COVID-19 and the gym still isn't shutting down its nationwide locations, the fictional amusement park might be doing something right!