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Uncovered police document from the 'Satanic Panic' of the 1980s is incredibly bizarre

According to this document, most teens are actually Satanists.

Shelby Slauer

on May 7, 2018

And we thought parents trying to decode emoji messages was bad.

Twitter user Jennifer Jordan tweeted yesterday that her sister found a police document from the 1980s describing stages and signs of satanic worship. It's insane.

Titled, "Identification, Investigation, and Understanding of Ritualistic Criminal Activity," the document says it was presented by Det. Robert Semandi of the Chicago Police Department. It was made during the "Satanic Panic," when many Americans succumbed to mass hysteria, believing that organized Satanic worship was widespread and preying on children.

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The document summarizes how to identify ritualistic activity in young people. Some of the characters of a teen involved in Satanic activity, for example, are intelligence, creativity, and boredom.

Watch out for teens like this!

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Then there's more, including how to identify Satanic symbols like the "horned hand." Good to know that Spider-Man is a Satanist too.

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Also, watch out for body markings that could be Satanist, which includes both black panthers and swastikas.

There's also a section containing evil spells, like "attracting love from the opposite sex" and how "to stop someone from hating you." Maybe this is just for Jedis?

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Another important element of detecting a Satanist is whether or not they like hiking.

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Everyone on Twitter had their favorite parts about this wild document to share, and there are plenty to choose from.

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People also shared their own stories about their brushes with Satanism.

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At least now we can all look back at this and laugh. Sort of.

Shelby Slauer

Shelby does standup in NYC and contributes writing to nice places. Someday she wants a nice back porch. Follow her on Twitter or check out her website, why don't you.