11 career moves for Sean Spicer now that all else has failed
Sean Spicer handed in his resignation letter to President Trump today and boy, are we worried.
Contrary to conventional guidance counselor wisdom, the man appears to have left his job without acquiring a new one. So angered was he by the administration's constant lies and deception -- sorry, the appointment of Anthony Scaramucci -- that he resigned, effective immediately.
Spicey, we'd love to help.
Below are a list of possible career options for Spicer now that he's free of Trump and able to go wherever his stocky heart pleases.
1. Reregister as an Independent and appear on MSNBC as a #NoMoreTrump conservative.
Right wing Republicans have been cashing it on MSNBC and CNN simply by branding themselves as sassy disenchanted conservatives who hate Trump.
2. Join a start-up PR firm with Frederick Douglass, whose contributions are being recognized more and more.
3. Go back to his old job as the White House Easter bunny.
Spicer absolutely shined as a 7' foot human rodent.
4. Become a silent bodyguard outside of a Boston nightclub.
Sean Spicer is one of the thickest, most compact human beings to have ever stood at that podium. I would gladly have him protect me from some of the largest known bros in the universe.
5. Backpack around the world and make money by writing a blog about it
This is the career of choice for approximately 100 percent of shitty people I went to college with.
6. Become a yoga teacher
This is the career that inevitably follows when you choose career #5.
7. Forget normie "jobs." Take an improv class!
When boring people think about taking risks, their brain first goes to "improv comedy," where they are confident they would have shined if only they hadn't listened to Daddy and chosen a more traditional career.
8. Become an actual clown
It's not so far from what he was doing in his last job, anyways.
9. Get really into rollerblading
Rollerblading is the exercise of choice for DC's down-and-out.
10. Consider landscape architecture
Spicer has already shown a strange affinity for bushes and the unique protection they offer.
11. Write that goddamn book already
Whatever, forget ideas #1-10. It's a matter of time before Spicer writes a tell-all book about the Trump administration and every lie, gross representation and dangerous accusation he made is forgiven.
Heather was the Web Trends reporter at Mashable NYC. Prior to joining Mashable, Heather wrote regularly for UPROXX and GOOD Magazine, was published in The Daily Dot and VICE, and had her work featured in Entertainment Weekly, Jezebel, Mic, and Gawker. She loves small terrible dogs and responsible driving. Follow her on Twitter @wear_a_helmet.
