How to explain sexting and dick pics to your British mum

LONDON -- British mums are wonderful. When it comes to dating, British mothers have an abundance of life experience, advice and pro tips. But, remember: theirs was the generation that preceded online dating and everything that comes hand in hand with it. 

One aspect of dating that our British mums cannot fathom is dick pics; be they unsolicited or otherwise. And, while your mum might have mastered the art of sending an emoji-ridden text, sexting is one thing even our v-experienced mums can't get their heads around. 

Nonetheless, like all British mums, she'll want to know what's going on these days, and she'll certainly have something to say about it.

Here's how to explain dick pics and sexting to your British mother...

First, make sure she's sitting down

Remove all sharp objects and make sure your mother is sitting comfortably before you break the news to her. This could go either way depending on how much -- or how little -- your mum knows about the dating/tech intersection. Chances are, however, that your mother will be shocked, so be on your guard. 

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Sexpert Tracey Cox says it's best to avoid talking about sexting face to face. 

"Do it when you’re walking along or driving along in the car. It’s best not to have intense eye contact for embarrassing topics," Cox told Mashable. 

"Don’t have one big conversation that’s excruciating for everyone. Instead, start to drop in the odd comment about sex into conversation, when it naturally comes up. That way, you both get used to talking about sex and it starts to become easier and more relaxed," Cox continued.

Muster the courage to say "dick" in front of your mother

British mums have got absolutely no time for vulgar language. So, this bit is the tough part. Try to replace "dick" with a more tasteful word; if such a word exists. If you can't say "dick," you could try with any of the following: willy, todger, penis, or member (eww). And, if you're feeling extra bashful, private parts.

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Have a bit of dutch courage if you need to...

Sometimes talks such these are best accompanied with a glass of wine. And, if your mother has had a tipple, even better. Pour her a glass of sherry and wait until her cheeks begin to glow. Then strike. 

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Part One: Explaining the birds and the bees

When two consenting adults like each other very much, they sometimes send nude photos to each other. 

This is the tough part. Talking about sex with your mum is never easy, but once you get past that initial awkwardness, it can actually be quite hilarious. Depending on your mother's disposition, that is. 

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British sex blogger Girl on the Net is something of a dick pic expert; she's received over 700 during her blogging career. She's also had the pleasure of explaining dick pics to her mum, who couldn't quite understand the appeal of a "disembodied knob being sent from a stranger". Fair enough. 

When it comes to sexting, Girl on the Net says she'd explain the reasons why people send them.

"I'd explain it's similar to flirtation, just done in a much more explicit manner. Some dick pics are designed to pique your interest, or get a shag somewhere down the line."

"Others are tentative -- with someone sending one as a nervous 'is this OK? Am I good enough for you?'"

Denial isn't just a river in Egypt 

You need to prepare yourself for any number of responses. Your mother could quite simply bat off any suggestion that young people would ever engage in such behaviour. She might say something like: "Oh no, dear."

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If she's got a good sense of humour, though, she might just find the whole thing hilarious. 

Incredulity 

Then again, she might very well be shocked and thoroughly appalled by the very idea. This could result in your mother calling your father in for moral support. If there's even the faintest possibility of this happening, you'd better prepare for even more awkwardness.

And when she asks you if you've ever sent a nude snap...

Depending on your mum's approach to sex, she could be 100% on board with sexting. And, that's awesome. Not all Brits are quite so liberal, so this could end in tears, or some serious parental disappointment. 

Cox says you should explain that you've grown up posting photos of everything in your life on social media, and that it's how your generation communicates.

"Being seen naked isn’t the big deal it was back in her generation when the only ‘naked’ celebrity you saw was one carefully photographed in Playboy or with things artfully covering their bits; such as magazine cover shoots like Vanity Fair. These days all the celebs are posting nude selfies. It’s not a big deal anymore," says Cox. 

Then again, if you don't fancy the idea of your mum knowing that you've sent the odd pic of yourself in your birthday suit, it might be best to feign an outraged expression. 

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Part two: Explaining unsolicited dick pics

Just like penises, dick pics come in all shapes and sizes. Annoyingly, there are times when dick pics are sent without us asking for them.

Cox says the best way to explain unsolicited dick pics is to explain your generation's relationship with porn. 

"Explain that your generation grew up with porn, and that most teenagers have checked it out by the time they’re 12," says Cox. 

"Then point out that you didn’t ask for the shot to be sent and that you will tell the person who sent it that it’s not welcome," she continued. 

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Revel in your shared hatred of the unsolicited dick pic

Receiving a dick pic when you've haven't asked isn't just irritating; it can be deeply upsetting and offensive. 

Naturally, your mum isn't going to be impressed that someone's been sending explicit images to her child. So, know that your mum has your back, and she'll give the chap a jolly good telling off should that be required. 

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Talking about sex with your mum isn't always the embarrassing experience you think it will be. Once you loosen up a little, you'll find a way to broach the topic that works for you. 

And, you'll likely find that her wealth of life experience and wisdom will be hugely helpful -- particularly during problematic situations. 

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