The stages of grief after you've been ghosted
In some point in nearly every young millennial's life, they will be ghosted. And not by sad dead bodies from the graveyard, but by idiot living ones from the Internet.
It can be heart-wrenching to realize that you -- hilarious, successful you – can be ghosted by someone who lists the The Big Bang Theory as one of their favorite shows. You're the one who reads books, packs their lunch for work. Nevertheless, here you are, abandoned -- and there they are, texting someone hotter.
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Fear not, sweet Mashable reader, you're not alone. Ghosting is a normal rite of passage, as is grieving. Once you've passed through all the stages of grief, you'll be liberated from this pain -- and on your happy way to being ghosted, again.
1. Denial
"They still love me. They must have just dropped their phone in a well while trying to save a baby."
2. Anger
"They didn't text me back because they're a soulless demon with bad skin who always uses the wrong version of "their."
3. Panic attack
"I'll check in a few hours to see if they texted me back. Ok minutes. I'll check in seconds. I'll just wait by my phone and if no one responds I'll set my house on fire."
4. Projection
"They're just afraid of texting me back because my last text was so uncannily great they feel like they can't compete. I get it."
5. Depression
"If they don't text me back, my life is officially without meaning."
6. Sublimation
"I don't need to text. I'll just Soulcycle until I'm the hottest person in New York. "
7. Bargaining
"I'll just send them three little follow-up texts to see if they got the initial follow-up text to the follow-up text I sent them. teehee."
8. Regression
"Hey mom, it's me, your 32-year-old daughter. Please excuse me as I bawl on the phone while you're driving."
9. Repression
"Text? What text? Two-year Relationship? What two-year relationship? LOL."
10. Acting out
"I don't care that they ghosted me because I'm go OUT tonight and have sex in public bathrooms with whoever clicks first on Tinder."
11. Reaction Formation
"I'm not mad at the person who ghosted me I'm mad at my useless ROOMMATE who can't stop asking me 'How I'm feeling?'"
12. Intellectualization
"They abandoned me because of their unresolved Oedipus complex. Gets you every time."
13. Rationalization
"They didn't write back because they were so deeply in love with me and couldn't handle it. It's because I'm SO great that I'm having trouble finding someone."
14. Confusion
"Maybe they're still going to write me back. Please read my texts and tell me what you think roommate/best friend/random person who works at the bodega?"
15. Acceptance
"They're never going to write me back. And that's okay. Some day I will recover, gather all my strength and send them one more text: Hiiiiiii."
Heather was the Web Trends reporter at Mashable NYC. Prior to joining Mashable, Heather wrote regularly for UPROXX and GOOD Magazine, was published in The Daily Dot and VICE, and had her work featured in Entertainment Weekly, Jezebel, Mic, and Gawker. She loves small terrible dogs and responsible driving. Follow her on Twitter @wear_a_helmet.
