We're pleased to announce that this year's Starbucks holiday cup just has a porg on it
Hello! Starbucks here. It's time to unveil the 2017 Starbucks holiday cup, and we really think you're going to like it.
This year's cup actually marks a big change for us. You see, in recent years, Starbucks has become one of the weirder battlegrounds in what some call the "culture wars." Each holiday season, people get incredibly mad about the design we have chosen for our cup, deeming it "not Christmas-y enough" or "sacrilegious" even though our cups are not specifically intended to celebrate Christmas.
Well, we at Starbucks are tired of constantly receiving faxes of the nativity scene photoshopped onto a Peppermint Mocha. In lieu of engaging in the "culture wars" this year, we thought we'd give another battleground a try: Star Wars.
And that's why this year's Starbucks holiday cup just has a porg on it.
To be clear, this does not mean the 2017 Starbucks holiday cup will be any less contentious than in years past. Why? Some people (incorrectly) hate porgs, even though they are just little bird creatures that no one has seen in a movie yet.
In lieu of engaging in the "culture wars" this year, we thought we'd Star Wars a try.
In fact, porg critics have called porgs "annoying," "too cute," and, worst of all, "the new Ewoks." Other people (correctly) love porgs, because 1) they're adorable, 2) a group of them is called a murder, and 3) they would probably protect you if you asked!
You see? Porgs are the perfect mildly-controversial-but-not-for-religious-reasons theme for the Starbucks holiday cup (2017).
Mostly, though, we chose to stamp a nice porg on our 2017 holiday cup because porgs are so darn cute. Imagine: you're waiting in line for a midnight screening of The Last Jedi, your Starbucks 2017 holiday porg cup in hand and your branded porg pajamas (porg-jamas) keeping you warm as you stand for hours outside the AMC theater closest to your home. Just as you reach the theater door, you catch yourself letting out a high-pitched scream. You realize: it's a porg scream. You are a porg. You love Starbucks. You're so happy.
Anyway, please do not send us emails saying that the porg is not Jesus. We are aware. Thank you, and happy holiday Starbucks cup season!
Thanks for reading Mashable Humor: original comedy every day. Or most days. We're people, just like you, and we're trying our best.
Topics Star Wars
Chloe was the shopping editor at Mashable. She was also previously a culture reporter. You can follow her on Twitter at @chloebryan.
