'Super Mario Odyssey' fans can't stop putting Mario in sexually compromising positions
The pretense that Nintendo's games exist in this pure, innocent, sexless vacuum is collapsing all around us.
Last week's shocking(ly small) reveal of Mario's Nintendo Official(TM) penis was just the tip (pun intended) of the iceberg. Even before its release, a Nintendo Direct on Super Mario Odyssey definitively proved the existence of the hard-working plumber's nipples.
But the screenshots now being captured by fans through the game's robust photo mode have uncovered a whole new side of Mario's sexuality. And tbh, we're pretty into it.
As an anatomically correct virtual human being, Mario deserves the chance to explore his sensual side, too. Who are we to say he's wrong for "laying down some pipe," so to speak?
So say goodbye to your childhoods, everyone. And gaze upon the sexiest, horniest, most inappropriate moments from Mario's journey through a sexual awakening as embarked upon by his fans.
1. TFW the Mushroom Kingdom gets way too literal.
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2. Glitches be crazy, but Mario does not seem to mind.
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3. Mario wants Toad to paint him like one of his French girls.
4. Pauline will only allow you to gawk at her massive amounts of autonomy.
5. That T H I C C sphinx sphincter has Mario like 😬🤤
6. But also Mario needs to stop ruining it for everyone, you damn streaker.
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7. A reminder to take proper precautions before entering deep holes.
8. But he should learn about not creeping, because this is A Day in the Life of Every Woman Everywhere.
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ALSO: If you think only Mario is experiencing some hormonal changes in Nintendo's worlds, think again.
IT'S THE NINTENDO SEXUAL REVOLUTION PEOPLE, GET WITH IT.
Jess is an LA-based culture critic who covers intimacy in the digital age, from sex and relationship to weed and all media (tv, games, film, the web). Previously associate editor at Kill Screen, you can also find her words on Vice, The Atlantic, Rolling Stone, Vox, and others. She is a Brazilian-Swiss American immigrant with a love for all things weird and magical.
