30 thoughts every boy band superfan had while watching SyFy's 'Dead 7'
If you had something better to do on April Fools' Day than sit on your couch and watch a horror movie starring members of '90s boybands, joke's on you: watching Dead 7 was a heck of a good time.
Mind you, this movie -- starring members of the Backstreet Boys, Nsync, O-Town and 98 Degrees as zombie-fighting heroes -- was not amazing cinema. In the spirit of the Sharknado franchise, this movie was bad -- and the people in it were slightly less aware it was so than those in its finned counterpart. Nonetheless, seeing former teen idols kill zombies -- called "copperheads" here -- was delightfully surreal, highly entertaining, and in all likelihood the exact type of delightful cheesiness we boy band superfans tuned in for -- if you tuned in at all.
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So if you, too, enjoyed this genre-confused journey through writer Nick Carter's nostalgic fever dream, read below for 30 boy band pun-filled thoughts.
1. I guess Johnny No Name has a name now -- it's Johnny Vermillion (A.J. McLean).
2. Apocalypta is kinda needy. You could say she wants it all -- or nothing at all.
3. Tell me why...Johnny looks like a playing card come to life.
4. Based on Jacob Underwood's new look, I guess the water in the "Liquid Dreams" video was toxic after all.
5. So nice of Forever 21 to dress everyone on the cast from their Coachella-meets-Ridiculous 6 line.
6. Billy (Jeff Timmons), it's the hardest thing I'll ever have to do, to look you in the eye ... and tell you that belt around your bicep looks ridiculous.
7. Why is every character introduced like they're in "Bad Blood?"
8. I wonder how A.J. stayed motivated to laugh for so long. He probably watched "Get Down" on repeat like I do when I need to chuckle.
9. There are, like, 20 accents happening on screen right now, and 10 of them are coming from The Vaquero (Howie Dorough).
10. This I promise you ... I just barely realized Chris Kirkpatrick is in this movie.
11. Anyone else getting 98 Degrees music video flashbacks from this Billy (Jeff Timmons) /Daisy (Carrie Keagan) makeout scene?
12. Daisy signs her letters with a daisy drawing -- in case you're curious about literacy in the post-apocalyptic world.
13. Komodo's (Erik-Michael Estrada) romantic storyline makes less sense than the lyrics to "I Want It That Way."
14. Why does no one know how to properly wear a belt in this world?
15. Theory: Maybe Apocalypta isn't crazy; maybe she just took the lyric "show you the shape of my heart" very literally.
16. Would have loved if someone took a sip of Sirene's magical drink and realized it was just Mountain Dew.
17. Deep within my soul I feel, nothing's like it used to be, Vaquero. You're a little more...flesh hungry.
18. Daisy is dead and Jeff Timmons is crying in Nick Carter's arms. This is fanfic come to life!
19. I'm so ready for Joey Fatone to die, so I don't have to hear this character talk anymore.
20. Hope Sirene (Lauren Kitt Carter) uses some of these teeth to buy herself a proper dye job.
21. This movie needs more singing -- or at least boy band references. Billy is dying and he has yet to utter the words "una noche." Major missed opportunity.
22. Billy is dying in Jack's (Nick Carter) arms. LITERALLY. A. FANFIC.
23. I love how some zombies walk right by Jack and others are like "Yum. Must eat." Even the zombies have their favorite boy bands, apparently.
24. Whiskey Joe is leading the herd out of town by holding a leg like a carrot. Take note, Rick Grimes.
25. Komodo just killed Johnny -- I knew those O-Towners always had it out for the boys.
26. Literally everyone is dying. Maybe Jack is aiming for a solo career?
27. Nevermind! Nick Carter was bitten by a pint-sized zombie -- and I don't think Backstreet will be back this time.
28. Just realized what Apocalypta's giant white statue reminds me of:
29. Only Mrs. Nick Carter survived and somehow the movie didn't end with "Show Me the Meaning of Being Lonely." I call b.s.
30. Jack is speaking from beyond the dead! Maybe there is hope for a sequel?
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Sandra Gonzalez was a Senior Television Reporter at Mashable. A Texas native, she spent almost four years in New York City before leaving the land of superstorms for Los Angeles, where she was introduced to these terrifying things called "rolling earthquakes."Previously, she was with Entertainment Weekly, where she wrote about every show that could fit into her perfectly crafted TV schedule and anything ever touched by Shonda Rhimes.You can reach her at [email protected] or on Twitter @theSandraG
