I'm so sorry, but here are Ted Cruz's favorite pornos
Sept. 11 will forever be remembered as the day close to 3,000 Americans were murdered, and Senator Ted Cruz faved a porn video on Twitter.
Many were shocked that Cruz, who once famously argued against solo masturbation, masturbated to anything besides the sound of his own voice on the Senate floor. Alas, it appears that the Senator has a long-suppressed interest in conservative "erotica," never seen before today.
As Ted knows better than anyone else, it's not the size of the government that matters, it's the width.
Here are what we believe are a few of his favorite porn titles.
1. Stroking the Keystone Pipeline
2. We The People of this Hot College Party
3. The 69th Amendment
4. Ayn Randy
5. Climax Change Isn't Real
6. The Pounding Fathers
7. Gangbang of Eight
8. Majority Whipped
9. "The Invisible Hand" job
10. Touch My Private Sector
11. Sexy Nurse Would Fellate You But Socialized Medicine Won't Pay for It
12. The Bicurious Princess Bride
13. The Founding Sugar Daddies
14. Campbell's Soupy Erotic Massage
15. FellaTED
16. Shut Down My Government Until I Say Mercy
17. Biblical Bulge
18. The Freedom Cockus
19. Hot College Cheerleader Shouldn't Get a Government Handout
20. Donald Does Dallas
21. The GOP: Grand Ol' Pussy Party
22. Cruzing for Monogamy
23. Fifty Shades of I'm Not Gay
23. Constitutional Cockservative
We apologize for the preceding list and hope you can forgive us.
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Heather was the Web Trends reporter at Mashable NYC. Prior to joining Mashable, Heather wrote regularly for UPROXX and GOOD Magazine, was published in The Daily Dot and VICE, and had her work featured in Entertainment Weekly, Jezebel, Mic, and Gawker. She loves small terrible dogs and responsible driving. Follow her on Twitter @wear_a_helmet.
