Why Terry Crews talking about his porn addiction helps more than ever

In a Facebook Live video posted on Terry Crews's page Tuesday, entitled "Dirty Little Secret part 3," the actor discussed his road to recovery due to his addiction to pornography. 

"I had the biggest sense of entitlement ever. I felt like the world owed me something. I felt like my wife owed me sex," he shared. 

Crews has been married to Rebecca King-Crews for 16 years.

Crews had previously posted videos talking about his addiction in "Dirty Little Secret" and "Dirty Little Secret Part two." In his first video, when he first revealed his struggles, Crews addressed those who believe pornography addiction is not real: "If day turns into night and you're still watching, you probably got a problem."

The third video is particularly interesting because Crews delves into discovering his own reasons behind addiction and why his mentality about women worsened the problem. 

"It tends to be a very male pride-oriented thing...because I believed I was more valuable than my wife as a human being, because I was a man."

Rob Weiss is a licensed clinical social worker, certified sex addiction therapist, and senior vice president of national clinical development for Elements Behavioral Health, a treatment network that specializes in mental disorders. He weighs in on Crews' videos: "Entitlement is certainly part of the equation with most male sex/porn addicts," Weiss tells Mashable. "However, it is more of a justification for indulging the addiction than an underlying driver of the addiction. More typically, the driving force behind sex/porn addiction (or any other addiction, for that matter) is a desire to escape reality. 

"Thanks to the constantly increasing accessibility and affordability of online porn, the number of people self-reporting porn-related problems is increasing by the day." 

In the video, Crews talks bout his feelings of shame. "Shame tells you you are bad as opposed to something you did was wrong. Shame says you are bad." 

Weiss agrees, and points to the difference between shame and guilt. "When trying to heal from any sort of addiction or behavioral disorder, guilt is an ally and shame is the enemy. Guilt motivates people to behave differently in the future. Shame keeps them mired in anxiety and depression, and fosters a belief that change is not possible." 

Crews expressed his beliefs that it is male entitlement (the presumption that women are less worthy than men) that makes some men insecure, especially when women don't want sex with them. Therefore, men seek out things they can control and use to self-medicate, such as pornography.

Porn addiction does not just affect men, though because of stigma associated with women who watch porn, women are less likely to come forward, writes Weiss.

"One of the things that porn addicts nearly always do is turn other people – both online and in person – into sexual objects. So yes, part of recovery is learning to think about these 'objects' as real people, with real feelings, goals, interests and lives," says Weiss.

"The belief that I was more valuable than my wife actually made me half a man."

Crews talked about his porn addiction in relation to issues he sees within the black community, specifically the intersection of race and gender. "I can really speak from being a black man. I've been at rallies for equality. And the men are like, 'Hey bitch, go to the kitchen and get me a sandwich.' And you're like, 'Wait a minute, aren't we at the rally for equality?'...Even at the rally for racial equality we don't see that women are equal, too."

Weiss hopes that Crews coming forward will encourage more people to recognize the severity of the addiction, and ultimately its ability to be treated. "The more this issue gets out in the open, the more likely people are to understand it, to recognize it, and to seek help if/when they need it," he says. "So a big thank you goes to Terry Crews for helping to raise awareness." 

The main message of Crews's video is how therapy, support and changing his mindset got him to seven years of sobriety from his addiction. And what's helping to sustain those positive effects is talking about it openly.

"If you do not change your beliefs, it is impossible to change your actions."

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