Here's what happens when you tell Tinder matches your dad just died
Mourning the loss of a parent can be one of the most difficult times in a person's life—a time when swiping on Tinder is literally the last thing on your mind. And yet, after comedian Jenn Welch's father passed away three weeks ago, that's exactly where she found comfort—in the swiping and messaging dynamics of Tinder. Even more, the experience proved amusing, enlightening, and heartwarming for her.
Welch found herself thinking about Tinder in the days following her dad's death, as she really wished wasn't going through this difficult time on her own. "Obviously I can’t date right now. That’s not fair to do to anybody—to hope that another person will swoop in and make me feel better while I grieve the loss of my father," says Welch. And that got her to thinking about the logistics of actually finding a date while grieving. "Like, how would I even go about getting a date right now? I’d just go on Tinder and tell dudes my dad just died?" pondered Welch. "I guess I have a dark sense of humor—I definitely got that from my dad—and as soon as the idea of going on Tinder and straight-up telling dudes that my dad just died popped into my head I couldn’t let it go," Welch continued. She ran the idea past fellow comedians, her brother, and her therapist. It made all of them laugh. Welch decided to try it out, if only to see what happened. She began swiping on Tinder, and when the messages began pouring in, Welch told her matches that her dad had passed away. Safe to say, the results were interesting. Welch documented her experience on an Instagram page dedicated to her endeavors, and their responses, which ran the gamut. There were the nice, heartfelt responses:
One guy responded with an accurate summation of the situation.
AdultFriendFinder — readers’ pick for casual connections
Hinge — popular choice for regular meetups
"How did he die?" asked one prospective date.
"The few guys who responded nicely gave me some hope," says Welch. "I think the biggest take-away from this whole experience—both on Tinder and in the real world—is that nobody knows what to say, because there is no right thing to say." And, it's easy to see from Welch's responses that some people really, really didn't know what to say. Indeed, some chose to sidestep the matter entirely.
And typical of Tinder, some responses were just plain weird:
For Welch, it's not necessarily about the words people use so much as simply having your grief acknowledged. Despite this, Welch says that talking about her dad's death in social situations still makes her feel like "the last person anybody wants to talk to," but she feels it's the type of thing you ultimately have to talk about.
\Welch really wants people to talk more openly about death and grief. "Let’s talk about it, and cry about it, and laugh about it," she says. "It’s so uncomfortable, but we’re all going to experience it at some point, in some form, so please, yes, let’s talk about it."
What's helped Welch the most is reading the comments on her Instagram posts, and the messages from people who've reached out to her directly to say they get it and relate to it. "It’s definitely helping me feel less alone right now. And," says Welch, "knowing that people who’ve been through this are seeing the humor in it really helps."
Rachel Thompson is the Features Editor at Mashable. Rachel's second non-fiction book The Love Fix: Reclaiming Intimacy in a Disconnected World is out now, published by Penguin Random House in Jan. 2025. The Love Fix explores why dating feels so hard right now, why we experience difficult emotions in the realm of love, and how we can change our dating culture for the better.
A leading sex and dating writer in the UK, Rachel has written for GQ, The Guardian, The Sunday Times Style, The Telegraph, Cosmopolitan, Glamour, Stylist, ELLE, The i Paper, Refinery29, and many more.
Rachel's first book Rough: How Violence Has Found Its Way Into the Bedroom And What We Can Do About It, a non-fiction investigation into sexual violence was published by Penguin Random House in 2021.
