These human turkeys can roam prison-free thanks to Trump
Conservationists, relax. President Trump should be lauded for all of the work he's done to protect America's vulnerable human turkeys.
On Tuesday, the president will pardon some elitist poultry for the White House's annual turkey pardon ceremony. Far too little attention, however, has been given to the actual human turkeys Trump has pardoned throughout his first year in office.
Both venal and dumb, human turkeys are one of the most at-risk turkey species in America. Few people are willing to come to the defense of human turkeys outside of some well-paid lawyers, and even then, meh.
Not our Trump. Here are just a few of the human turkeys Trump has pardoned, legally or otherwise, while in Washington.
1. Jared "No Meat On These Bones" Kushner
2. Vladimir "Gobble Gobbled Up America" Putin
3. Michael "Wild Turkey" Flynn
4. Bill "Stick A Fork In Me, I'm Done" O'Reilly
5. Steve "I Only Like White Meat" Bannon
6. Sheriff "Carve Me A Spot In Your Administration" Arpaio
No matter how many turkeys we slaughter this year, these human turkeys will always roam cage and prison-free.
-+
Topics Donald Trump Politics
Heather was the Web Trends reporter at Mashable NYC. Prior to joining Mashable, Heather wrote regularly for UPROXX and GOOD Magazine, was published in The Daily Dot and VICE, and had her work featured in Entertainment Weekly, Jezebel, Mic, and Gawker. She loves small terrible dogs and responsible driving. Follow her on Twitter @wear_a_helmet.
