Uber investor Shervin Pishevar knows, like, all the best words

There are moments in life that demand greatness. Times when we, as definitely not mescaline-abusing right-thinking individuals, are forced to rise above the petty disagreements of our day and strike a definitive blow for justice.

For Uber investor Shervin Pishevar, a Benchmark lawsuit against former Uber CEO Travis Kalanick is just such a moment. And like Don Quixote squaring off against a rival looming just past his field of vision, Pishevar held nothing back.

Because, as god as his witness, if he was going to take on this clear injustice, he would use only the very best and greatest of words at his disposal.

In a letter to the Uber board, that is exactly what he did.

"Let us take this pause in this moment, when we find ourselves swimming in the crucible of one of the grandest business and moral battles of our generation, and find strength in each stroke of our proverbial digital pens, that we wrote with the indelible, eternal and permanent ink of righteousness," opened Pishevar — correctly deciding that the way to win hearts and minds involves what we can only assume to be the perfect combination of a thesaurus and bong.

"We write with the souls of thousands of lives saved, the lives of millions of jobs created liberating multitudes of drivers from the shackles of servitude to iniquitous taxi cartels of corrupt cabals that choked cities with their pollution of air and morals."

Go on, cried out a weary world inspired by the sheer profundity of it all, please go on.

Pishevar obliged.

We write with the spirit of Bonnie Kalanick, who raised her son with deep unconditional love and unfading faith in his ability to do good for the world. Whose tragic and untimely death was used against her son at his most vulnerable, unspeakable time of pain. They chose to strike at a moment of a devoted son's retreat and leave of absence to mourn the absence of the inviolable love of his mother. In doing so, they joined the very corruption her son had devoted such fervent passion to fight.

Yes, in case any of you forgot, Travis Kalanick has devoted some seriously fervent passion to fight corruption. That is, and always has been, his driving focus. And Pishevar's choice words aren't going to let anyone forget it.

But the linguistic journey, just like Pishevar's, was far from over.

In her memory, we devote our actions to a just cause; to defend what is right and to protect the interest of not only shareholders but most importantly the far more important stakeholders of employees, drivers and customers whose lives have been forever altered by the abiding faith and fervent hard work of Travis Kalanick and the Uber team. Their allegiance was met by this unholy alliance of perfidious greed devolving rapidly into the audacity of vituperative unparalleled predatory rapacity.

Pishevar, who at this point in penning the missive was definitely not looking around for that last hit of crystal, further expounded upon the Truth he was bringing to the world. And it was a good Truth. The best Truth.

Let us strike tomorrow with the full and fulsome courage of our convictions. Let our just cause give pause to those who would ever dream of ever emulating the shameful shenanigans of these sanctimonious hypocrites who fling filings and letters de haut en bas; when it is we who have the higher moral ground and our letters and filing will hail down upon their platforms, exposing them as bitterly barren barons of moral turpitude. And as the summer sets, we let us be steward of truth who in unison proclaim: fiat justitia ruat caelum.

Right? The "shameful shenanigans" of "sanctimonious hypocrites" shall find no quarter in Pishevar's righteous world.

And so what if the internet finds this all slightly, well, deranged.

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Because, in the end, when staring down the clear and oh-so-obvious unjustness of Benchmark's suit, Pishevar knows that the world must be righted — even if the heavens fall.

If only his off-kilter ramblings were enough to convince anyone else to care.