What it's really like to be pummeled by Nickelodeon slime
INGLEWOOD, California -- Why didn't I come in workout clothes?
That was first thought I had when I watched two brave production assistants rise from their seats at Kids' Choice Award rehearsals, walk into something called the slime super soakers and walk out green shells of human beings.
To be fair, when I had signed up to be Slimed -- yes, as in receive a Nickelodeon hug -- I was told that comfortable, disposable clothing would be a wise choice. Workout gear, flat shoes, etc.
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Nay, I thought at the time. (I frequently speak to myself in Middle English). I wanted the green to stand out and to go into it completely free of protective gear. Raincoat? Please, I'm no chump.
I took a bright pink dress out of my closet with which I was at peace with parting and even wore heels -- in full defiance.
A member of publicity team strongly encouraged me to trade the heels for flip flops for safety reasons shortly before we went on stage to receive our sliming, and as I sit here -- alive -- I'm grateful.
No, I don't really think I would have died. But I very likely would have died from embarrassment if I ate floor it in front of hundreds of crew members.
I'm proud to report that I didn't fall, but I almost did because the stage was covered in plastic for rehearsals, and tiled stairs + plastic = F4 Fallnado.
I took my sliming with four other brave volunteers -- members of the crew.
As I stood there waiting for it to come, the words of Jay Schmalholz, Nickelodeon's senior vice president of live events, echoed through my head. He'd told me fight the urge to cover my head and enjoy it. Take it in. It was, after all, not something everyone gets to do -- but definitely something kids around the world want to do.
The latter was definitely true. As a kid, I remember loving the Kids' Choice Awards because it seemed like the one night celebrities could actually have fun. They didn't have to dress up, they could come in jeans, they could bring their own kids, and even get dirty.
I took a second to appreciate that while standing in the middle of the stage. Then I was hit in the face with a huge stream of cold, wet, green slime.
I punked out; I turned my head. But when I came back into awareness -- the initial hit had been a shock -- I lifted up my head and smiled.
When it was over -- the whole thing took mere seconds -- I remember shivering because it was much colder than anticipated and my lighweight dress was suddenly weighed 10 lbs. By the time I looked up, crew members were already throwing towels at us and creating a towel bridge so we could walk safely away from the blast zone.
I must've used about 10 towels on my first pass at getting it off and another 10 in private. I ended up throwing away my dress, underwear and bra in a public bathroom for the first time ever. My second First of the day, in case you're keeping track.
On the ride home, with green goo dripping off my hair and onto the towel I'd set down on my chair, I kept secretly hoping to get pulled over because I was sure I had a story the police officer probably hadn't heard before.
The Kids' Choice Awards airs Saturday at 8 p.m. ET on Nickelodeon.
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Sandra Gonzalez was a Senior Television Reporter at Mashable. A Texas native, she spent almost four years in New York City before leaving the land of superstorms for Los Angeles, where she was introduced to these terrifying things called "rolling earthquakes."Previously, she was with Entertainment Weekly, where she wrote about every show that could fit into her perfectly crafted TV schedule and anything ever touched by Shonda Rhimes.You can reach her at [email protected] or on Twitter @theSandraG
