Why the 'groomer' smear is terrible for LGBTQ mental health

One of the most pervasive, damaging ideas that exists about lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, and queer people is that their sexual orientation or gender identity is a perversion. In recent years, that stereotype faded in pop culture and politics as large swaths of the public embraced progress toward equality like the Supreme Court's decision legalizing same-sex marriage as well as high-profile visibility of transgender people like actress Laverne Cox. 

Such acceptance can make a critical difference for people's mental health: When stigma and discrimination recede, LGBTQ people may experience less psychological distress. 

Yet with progress comes backlash, and we have arrived at a terrifying moment. LGBTQ youth have increasingly become the target of conservative policies designed to deny transgender children gender-affirming healthcare and participation in school sports and discourage open discussion of LGBTQ identities and experiences in the classroom. 

Some advocates of these policies use extremist rhetoric labeling LGBTQ people and those who support them as "groomers," resurrecting the painful trope of perversion and supercharging it. As New York Times columnist Frank Bruni recently recounted, it was just decades ago that gay people were routinely treated as predators, particularly. By once again embracing a term that describes the manipulation of a child for sexual abuse, conservative activists demonize LGBTQ people. What's different now is that strategy plays into the mainstreaming of a far-right QAnon conspiracy theory that a cabal of powerful liberal pedophiles run the world.  

Fox News, for example, has repeatedly featured the Libs of TikTok Twitter account, which reposts social media content from LGBTQ creators that it views as evidence of efforts to indoctrinate and "groom" children to become LGBTQ. In just a few months, the "groomer" smear became socially and politically permissible on the right. 

Hateful accusations and discriminatory policies aren't new to the LGBTQ community, but they are horrifying. The Trevor Project, a nonprofit that provides crisis resources to LGBTQ youth, has seen a rise in contacts from callers and texters worried about bills targeting children like them in Texas, Florida, and Alabama. The organization is also hearing from youth in other states worried about whether their lawmakers are coming for them next.

When the The Trevor Project surveyed more than 800 LGBTQ youth in January, two-thirds of respondents said the debates over state laws restricting the rights of transgender people had negatively impacted their mental health. That number jumped to 85 percent of all 318 transgender and nonbinary youth polled. Fear about discrimination can lead to hypervigilance around being bullied and rejected, along with stress, anxiety, depression, and suicidal feelings. 

Sam Ames, director of advocacy and government affairs for The Trevor Project, recalls what it felt like to be transgender and queer while watching televised debates over California's Proposition 8, which banned same-sex marriage in 2008 and was later found unconstitutional.

"To watch your own identity on a screen be used as the boogeyman has an impact," says Ames. 

To truly protect the health and well-being of LGBTQ youth, Ames says legislators should consider bills like requiring school districts to adopt model suicide-prevention policies and mandating the inclusion of LGBTQ history in classroom curriculum. Ames argues that both measures could improve mental health and reduce suicidal feelings for LGBTQ youth, who are already at heightened risk for anxiety, depression, and suicide. These proposals are likely nonstarters for conservatives who've arguably made transgender youth a wedge issue designed to draw a fervent base to the polls in the midterm elections, but they certainly draw a striking contrast between an approach that treats children as political props and another that embraces them for who they are.

No policy, however, can fully mitigate the damage of extremist rhetoric that dehumanizes LGBTQ people. Last year, the Libs of TikTok account labeled The Trevor Project a "grooming organization" in a since-deleted Tweet, just one indication of its extremist views. 

Though some advocates of "grooming" language say they're against violence, telling the public that LGBTQ people and their allies are child predators sets the stage for brutality. It's no mistake that, in 2016, a gunman showed up at a Washington, D.C., pizzeria looking for a child sex ring featured in far-right conspiracy theories promoted online. "Grooming" rhetoric is also an undeniable signal that LGBTQ people aren't safe in certain quarters, that they should hide their identity, and live in fear. Reprehensibly, it aims to undermine the ability of caring adults to publicly support youth just coming to understand their sexual orientation and gender identity. This is no way for more than 20 million adults and children in the U.S. to live, and such messages will affect their well-being in profoundly negative ways. 

Ames is convinced that justice will prevail for LGBTQ people, but they worry that some children will feel unvalued by society and be at risk of suicide as a result. While many factors lead to suicide, LGBTQ youth who feel accepted by at least one adult are less likely to report attempting suicide. Warning signs of suicide amongst youth include hopelessness, losing interest in the future, saying goodbye to important people, and having a plan to die.

"What [youth] are telling us is that when they watch these debates, they are more than sad or angry or stressed — all of which they are — they are scared," says Ames.

If you want to talk to someone or are experiencing suicidal thoughts, The Trevor Project can be reached 24/7 at 1-866-488-7386 and via chat. Crisis Text Line provides free, confidential support 24/7. Text CRISIS to 741741 to be connected to a crisis counselor. Contact the NAMI HelpLine at 1-800-950-NAMI, Monday through Friday from 10:00 a.m. – 10:00 p.m. ET, or email [email protected]. You can also call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255. Here is a list of international resources.