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Woman buys totally NOT haunted doll and terrifies the entire internet

Abigail the doll just wants to be loved, or maybe steal your soul.

Sage Anderson

on June 3, 2019

We throw around the word "cursed" a lot on the internet these days — cursed images, cursed memes, even cursed food preparation — but where's the really spooky stuff? It's time to bring out some actual haunted content to the forefront again.

Unless it looks like I'll concur some light demonic possession from the post, I don't want to see it. But Twitter provided me with a great subject. Enter @TheNerdyVixen, and Abigail, the totally not haunted antique doll.

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According to @TheNerdyVixen, she found this little cursed beauty at an antique mall in Momence, Illinois. She describes herself to Mashable as an "odd lady," saying that "I'm always drawn to weird things but I don't usually buy them. This one just needed to come home with me. Haha."

Haha, indeed.

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But perhaps it was Abigail herself that was getting the last laugh, according to the very instantaneous and intense reactions to her purchase. The questioning commenced — was the choice to take Abigail home really a conscience one? Or was lil' Abby just waiting for her next victim.

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Now I may be a doll aficionado, but my expertise is strictly in uncursed dolls. It's hard to ignore those soulless, button eyes, the sewn mouth, the dress with a stain that may or may not be blood. However, my ruling on the evilness of this doll (on a scale of bathes in holy water, to deserving of a horror franchise) is that she seems ominous, but fairly benign. The cat didn't react, she enjoys a good pizza sacrifice, and sits politely in her own time out chair. Maybe Rihanna had a point — perhaps it is possible to become friends with the monster.

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Just because a doll is cursed does not mean that you have to be mean to it. The initial knee-jerk reaction to Abigail (even my own) was tainted with creepypasta levels of edginess. But dolls are beautiful creatures that should be respected and loved. All of us cried during the furnace scene in Toy Story 3, don't even lie.

For now, Abigail is living her best life in her new home, her daily adventures chronicled in a Twitter account run by @TheNerdyVixen titled Abigail The Totally Not Haunted Doll. She deserves as much love as much as any Barbie on the market right now.

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Even with eyes that could stare through your very soul and pierce the veil, Abigail is all right in my book. Freaky flaws and all.

Topics X/Twitter

Sage Anderson

Sage is the newest Culture writer on the block at Mashable NYC. They recently graduated from Sarah Lawrence College, and have previously worked for The Dr. Oz Show, NorthSouth Productions, and on Netflix's 'The OA Part II'. Off the clock, they can be found testing out cupcake recipes, collecting dolls, and watching Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure for the millionth time.