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How to fix work relationships that are driving you crazy

Coworkers. Can't live with them, can't live without them.

Tracey Edouard

on July 28, 2016

How to fix work relationships that are driving you crazy

Hand wearing a suit each point, as recriminations Credit: Getty Images/iStockphoto

Mashable's latest #BizChats discussed how to mend relationships that are on the rocks with you fellow coworkers.

Over the course of an hour, our influencers covered an array of questions ranging from how to mend a relationship with a supervisor that you got off on the wrong foot with, to constructive ways to improve your work relationship with an incompetent coworker.

Several experts took part in the conversation including: Dr. Leah Klungness, Ph.D., psychologist and expert on relationship issues; Melanie Greenberg, Ph.D, psychologist, blogger and expert in cognitive-behavioral therapy for adults; Suzy Welch, business journalist, career advice contributor on the TODAY show and best-selling co-author of The Real Life MBA; and Sylvia Lafair, Ph.D., business leadership expert in optimizing workplace relationships.

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Check out highlights from the chat in the Storify below.

Credit: Mashable Composite, NBC / Contributor / Getty Images

View the story "#BizChats: How to avoid clashing with your co-workers" on Storify#BizChats: How to avoid clashing with your co-workersMashable discussed how to cool your fiery workplace relationships with coworkers that are experts at ruffling your feathers.Storified by Mashable· Wed, Jul 27 2016 19:25:34 If you have a job in corporate America, there's a 100% chance you're working with people. Throughout the entirety of your career, there's also a 100% chance that you're going to come across one or two people who are harder to work with than other.

While disagreements between coworkers are common and healthy (in some circumstances) to have in the workplace, letting those situations get out of hand can facilitate a toxic work environment that's not only detrimental to the company, but to yourself as well. What do you do when you have no choice but to work with an unruly employee? How do you improve your relationship with a supervisor whose personality clashes with yours? If you find yourself dealing with a difficult coworker, don't panic! There are steps you can follow to help facilitate healthier work relationships minus the drama and make your 9-5 a much more pleasant place to be.

@mashbusines and several influencers participated in a #BizChats Twitter chat to discuss how professionals can improve their work relationships with unruly coworkers. Welcome to #BizChats! Today we’re discussing how to improve the work relationships that are driving you crazy. Please introduce yourselves!Mashable BusinessA warm welcome to our experts: @Dr_Leah, @drmelanieG, @SuzyWelch, & @sylvialafair! #BizChatsMashable Business#BizChats tip #1: Be sure to number your answers according to the question you're answering. (ie., Q1.--> A1., Q2. --> A2., Q3. --> A3.)Mashable Business#BizChats tip #2: Don’t forget to include #BizChats at the end of all your answers to be a part of the conversation!Mashable BusinessOne more minute until Q1.Mashable BusinessQuestion 1:Q1. Why are healthy work relationships so important to establish & maintain in the workplace? #BizChatsMashable BusinessQ1. Healthy relationships mean progress and goals attained. Toxic environments breed only failure. #BizChatsDr. Leah Klungness@mashbusiness A1: Healthy work rel'n = happy people = happy work environment! #BizChatsJennifer BakerA1: They are important because the opposite can bring: poor productivity, misunderstanding, hostility, uncooperative employees... #bizchatsAnnaliese HenwoodA1 Relationship is the basis for productive teams. When they are failing, the climate is not supportive or conducive for work. #BizChatsJoynicole Martinez@mashbusiness #bizchats Healthy relationships are important because they reinforce wellbeing which supports satisfaction and engagementJaniceBarnesA1. Healthier work relationships lead to a rise in employee morale which leads to increased productivity. #BizChatsGeoffrey BlosatA1) Healthy work relationships help to create productivity & motivation! A happy workforce is a healthy one! #bizchatsThinkTankA1 Positive Support increases productivity & morale #BizChatsKristin A. Meekhof@mashbusiness A1.--> But healthy work relationships matter because 2 brains in the game -- or 3 or 4 -- are always better than 1. #bizchatsSuzy Welch@SuzyWelch there is safety in a multitude of wise counsel. I keep saying it - we must practice it! #BizChatsJoynicole Martinez@mashbusiness A1 --> You spend so many hours @ work, if ur not liking your coworkers, life can get very harsh. So there's that for starters.Suzy WelchA1 Our relationships guide our mood & morale, they reinforce our strengths and can highlight weaknesses in negative ways. #BizChatsJoynicole MartinezWell said @JoynicoleM. And there's the universal truth: you met the same people going down as going up. Relationships matter. #BizChatsDr. Leah KlungnessA1 Healthy work relationships contribute to overall company healh, higher productivity, and lower turnover rates. #BizChatsHotSchedulesRCTless stress more productivity/ less dready/ more fun#BizChatsSylvia Lafair, Ph.D@mashbusiness A1. the employer sets the atmosphere for its employees. If the atmosphere is toxic at the top, it'll trickle down. #BizChatsTracey EdouardBusiness with a human connection makes all the difference#BizChatsSylvia Lafair, Ph.DQuestion 2:Q2. What are some common habits of an employee that drives his or her coworkers crazy? #BizChatsMashable Business@mashbusiness A2 The avoiders who run for the hills when conflcit comes #BizChatsSylvia Lafair, Ph.D@mashbusiness A2: Lack of emotional intelligence. Lack of tact. Doesn't listen. #BizChatsJennifer Baker@mashbusiness A2--> Other make-me-crazy behaviors are claiming too much credit, doing too little work, and always saying "no." #bizchatsSuzy Welch@mashbusiness A2 Bring sob stories to work and let the drama take over #BizChatsSylvia Lafair, Ph.D@mashbusiness A2--> The most common no-no has to be the co-worker who kisses up and kicks down (and sideways). Verrry annoying. #bizchatsSuzy WelchA2 non-stop whining, chronic lateness & failure to take responsibility for errors #BizChatsKristin A. Meekhof@mashbusiness A2. Someone who says "I can't" more than "I can." #BizChatsTracey EdouardA2) Being afraid to speak to fellow coworkers about issues can be a big issue! #snitchesgetstitches #bizchatsThinkTank@mashbusiness A2. Lack of motivation, impossible deadlines, mispronunciation of names, forgetting deadlines or lacking a schedule. #BizChatsSamina SultanaA2 Talking too much. Seriously. Don’t overshare 'personal' at work. Respect the workplace and pace so the team remains productive. #BizChatsJoynicole MartinezA2. Definitely destructive to talk down your team -- or behind their back. Well said @SuzyWelch #BizChatsDr. Leah KlungnessUnrealistic goals and deadlines. Too much dependency on others. Not refilling coffee. #BizChats https://t.co/hbtZGcAdoNDiana Kolesarova@mashbusiness A2. A narcissist who doesn't see the value in team work. Someone who cuts corners in everything they do. #BizChatsTracey EdouardA2: Being a know-it-all, refusing to work with others, basic office etiquette, such as noise, having a bad attitude about work... #bizchatsAnnaliese HenwoodA2. Agree @MktgInnovator. I'd add doing your share of workplace housekeeping chores. Small things, but people notice. #BizChatsDr. Leah KlungnessQuestion 3:Q3. What are ways to de-escalate a miscommunication between a difficult coworker? #BizChatsMashable BusinessA3 Listen. Listen again. Repeat the message. Usually this begins de-escalation. People get louder when they feel you can’t hear. #BizChatsJoynicole Martinez@mashbusiness A3 Slow down, cool down, gulp some cold water before you talk #BizChatsSylvia Lafair, Ph.DA3) Often times, we settle our disagreements over sushi at the local sushi bar. This could be universal! #bizchatsThinkTank@mashbusiness A3 Tell the truth: NOT same as spilling your guts! #BizChatsSylvia Lafair, Ph.D@mashbusiness A3--> Take it out of the office - your relationship, that is. Get a cup of coffee. Go for a walk. And talk candidly. #BizChatsSuzy WelchA3. Outside the office with fresh air often helps @Samina__S. Listening rather than talking often resolves miscommunication best. #BizChatsDr. Leah KlungnessA3: Speak to the other person until the miscommunication is clarified. Don't avoid or bicker about it. Communication is key. #bizchatsAnnaliese Henwood@mashbusiness A3. Try and resolve it outside the office, for instance, go out for coffee or take a break to discuss. #BizChatsSamina SultanaA3 Talk directly to that person first. Don't talk behind the back or spread rumors. That never helps a situation. #BizChatsHotSchedulesRCT@mashbusiness A3 This. https://t.co/PaDnOl9Ruy #BizChatsThe Muse@mashbusiness A3--> And even though it will be hard, assume your coworker has good intentions. Stop demonizing them and LISTEN. #BizChatsSuzy Welch@mashbusiness A3. Avoid email and talk in person if possible. Take ownership & admit your own failures. #BizChats https://t.co/WNtQk2JFnsBrett CrispA3. Take ownership of your role in miscommunication. Blame never rests on only one person. #BizChatsDr. Leah KlungnessQuestion 4:Q4. In what situations should an employee be reported to a higher power like HR? #BizChats :)Mashable BusinessA4: 1st - talk to the person; If a resolution is not possible at your level, give the person time, try again, or report. #bizchatsAnnaliese Henwood@mashbusiness A4--> First, always best to go to your direct supervisor b4 you go to HR (unless the problem is your supervisor)! #BizChatsSuzy Welch@mashbusiness A4 Threaat of violence, even if making jokes run dont walk to HR #BizChatsSylvia Lafair, Ph.D@mashbusiness A4. When a resolution cannot be met for lack of cooperation, when a person crosses the line and continues to do so. #BizChatsSamina SultanaA4: If the error by the other person could bring damage to the company or lead to worse situations, it's time to report them. #bizchatsAnnaliese Henwood@mashbusiness A4--> But def go to HR right away if you feel unsafe, or as if you feel as if a fellow employee might be unsafe. #BizChatsSuzy WelchQ4. Tough question. Before you act, discuss the situation with a trusted colleague -- preferably one without any skin in the game. #BizChatsDr. Leah KlungnessA4 Try talking to someone first. If that doesn't work, you can escalate to HR for mediation. Be sure to document. #BizChatsHotSchedulesRCTA4 When the issue is obstructing work, may damage the brand, or is feeling threatening then it’s time to call for help. #BizChatsJoynicole MartinezQ4. Higher power may mean the police. Don't hesitate if you witness violence. Or feel physically threatened. #BizChatsDr. Leah Klungness@JoynicoleM @mashbusiness A4 --> But would you agree that it's best to go to your boss first? Curious! Thx. #bizChatsSuzy Welch@mashbusiness Harassment. Stealing opportunities. Misusing facilities and freedom at work. #BizChatsKuppulakshmi@mashbusiness A4. Use my Rule of #3: slurs, insults state your disapproval after 3 times go to boss or HR #BizChatsSylvia Lafair, Ph.DA4 Bullying, Intimidation, Threats, Harassment should be reported to HR #BizChatsKristin A. Meekhof@mashbusiness A4. Illegal/immoral actions. Try to resolve most other situations first without "reporting". #BizChats https://t.co/06A4M9mHD0Brett CrispQuestion 5:Q5. How can you mend a relationship with a supervisor that you got off on the wrong foot with? #BizChatsMashable Business@mashbusiness A5. Apologize. Create a plan to get back on track and treat it as a learning opportunity for both of you. #BizChatsSamina SultanaA5 Let the supervisor know where YOU erred in your relationship. Take responsibility for your actions. This can do wonders! #BizChatsHotSchedulesRCTAlign your skills with their goals. Help them out. Get advice from them & ask about their views. #BizChats https://t.co/Xy8prdKRjJDiana Kolesarova@mashbusiness A5: a sincere chat over a coffee. And, wait for time to help heal. Being real helps. #BizChatsKuppulakshmi@mashbusiness A5: Communication is key. Be honest. #BizChatsJennifer BakerThought to keep in mind @AlchemistAgency + @sylvialafair. Make sure you can document each 'strike' before reporting. #BizChatsDr. Leah KlungnessA5: Communicate with them. Be honest with how you started off. Do your job the way you were hired to do it and show initiative. #bizchatsAnnaliese Henwood@mashbusiness A5. Doors once locked can open when truth surfaces, at least 92%of the time #BizChatsSylvia Lafair, Ph.D@mashbusiness A5. Be proactive, ask for feedback. Its the gift that keeps on giving Promise! #BizChatsSylvia Lafair, Ph.D@mashbusiness A5 --> This is so hard! I'd say go for broke, be blunt, and ask for a "reset," 100% owning what went wrong. #BizChatsSuzy WelchA5. Concentrate on the 'why' you got off on the wrong foot. Are you a poor fit for this organization? Or is this just a blip? #BizChatsDr. Leah Klungness@mashbusiness Listen dont talk Listen and then ask questions NO Defend, Explain or Justify #BizChatsSylvia Lafair, Ph.D@mashbusiness A5--> Another alternative is a mediated conversation- a great use of HR. A 3rd person can sometimes build a bridge. #BizChatsSuzy Welch@mashbusiness A5. Find the hidden patterns of behavior that keep repeating. They are just right under the radar so keep looking #BizChatsSylvia Lafair, Ph.D@mashbusiness A5 These tips can improve your relationship with your boss, whether it be good or bad. https://t.co/KwFDJDsqD1 #BizChatsThe MuseQuestion 6:Q6. What are constructive ways to improve your work relationship with an incompetent coworker? #BizChatsMashable Business@mashbusiness A6 How incompetent is the real question. They may need to be "liberated" from a job not meant for them #BizChatsSylvia Lafair, Ph.DA6: I probably sound like a broken record, but calm, productive and consistent communications with your coworker are a must. #bizchatsAnnaliese Henwood@mashbusiness A5. Produce quality work and show that you care. #BizChats https://t.co/z6W7jyxEEXBrett Crisp@mashbusiness A6. When giving feedback, it's important to be mature about it. We're all adults here. https://t.co/PiyaSdT1IW #BizChatsThe Muse@mashbusiness A6: share ur own mistakes from the past & how you overcame such situations. They can always learn from ur mistakes #BizChatsKuppulakshmi@mashbusiness A6. First look at what U are contributing to issues. If you can admit a weakness maybe better discussion can follow #BizChatsSylvia Lafair, Ph.DA6 Help them build the skills necessary for their success (which ultimately impacts your work, too.) #BizChatsHotSchedulesRCTDefinitely. Communicate + move forward @beboldsocial. Sincere + brief apology, if warranted, will mend fences + clean the slate. #BizChatsDr. Leah Klungness@mashbusiness A6. Realize that Pobody's Nerfect (get it?) Don't hold grudges. Formulate a plan for a better relationship. #BizChatsTracey Edouard@mashbusiness A6--> Awful truth is, either teach them how to be competent, or just keep your distance. All else too frustrating. #BizChatsSuzy Welch@mashbusiness A6. Outline daily tasks and create open communication to ask questions and ensure they understand the tasks. #BizChatsSamina Sultana@mashbusiness A6. Set boundaries. Help when possible. Point them to resources. Celebrate successes. #BizChats https://t.co/d5WeV4s8lcBrett Crisp@mashbusiness A6: Communication. Training. Honest. Direction. #BizChatsJennifer BakerA6. Make sure tasks are clearly delineated so boss understands respective responsibilities. Protect your performance reputation. #BizChatsDr. Leah Klungness@mashbusiness A6 Another important thing to take note of is how YOU approach the situation. https://t.co/dIKwlcmSNz #BizChatsThe Muse@mashbusiness A6. sign of need of effective communication. Sit and teach to improve their way of thinking before anything harsh. #BizChatsmotebang senaoanaA6. Only with great caution should you take on responsibility for teaching or mentoring an incompetent - *big* time - colleague. #BizChatsDr. Leah KlungnessQuestion 7:Q7. What are some mistakes professionals make when looking to rectify a situation with an unruly employee? #BizChatsMashable Business@mashbusiness A7. Making emotionally-based decisions. We're not robots, but we have to try to stay as impartial as possible in biz #BizChatsTracey Edouard@mashbusiness A7--> Biggest mistake is not dealing w/ the problem directly, with the employee. Awkward, but you have to go there. #BizChatsSuzy Welch@mashbusiness A7. Don't play the blame game. Don't retaliate. Don't force a resolution or try to do it quickly. #BizChatsSamina Sultana@mashbusiness A7: Jump to conclusions. Don't fully understand the individual or situation. #BizChatsJennifer Baker@mashbusiness A7. Not creating psychological safety for people to say what they really want to say #BizChatsSylvia Lafair, Ph.D@mashbusiness A7. Not looking at underlying issues in the whole system that stay hidden and nothing gets completed successfully #BizChatsSylvia Lafair, Ph.DA7. Depends on definition of 'unruly' . . . most common mistake is talking not listening. And public reprimands. Devastating. #BizChatsDr. Leah Klungness@mashbusiness A7 Missing out on all of these by handling the situation in a way that isn't so great. https://t.co/ZXKDCJdJ1L #BizChatsThe MuseQuestion 8:Q8. What are some final tips for improving work relationships that are driving you crazy #BizChatsMashable Business@mashbusiness A8 Remember there's always something to learn. It makes it easier to work on relationships https://t.co/jPzF0ewLUC #BizChatsThe Muse@mashbusiness A8. BE COURAGEOUS enough to start the real conversations. U wont regret it #BizChatsSylvia Lafair, Ph.DBe calm. Be talkative. Lose the awkwardness. Be kind and helpful. Remind yourself of the common goal. #BizChats https://t.co/MZFXse2ALeDiana KolesarovaA8: Breathe & force yourself to drop anything that's petty. You see these ppl more than you see your family. Make it work. #BizChatsProteus Technologies@mashbusiness A8--> Do something really hard. Ask a trusted co-worker or boss if YOU happen to be the problem. Just saying. #BizChatsSuzy WelchA8 Begin with the end in mind. Envision how you want the relationship to look then work at building it. When working, we learn. #BizChatsJoynicole Martinez@mashbusiness A8. Do resolve them and don't be afraid to speak out about it. If you don't take action, nothing will change. #BizChatsSamina Sultana@mashbusiness A8: NOTHING IS PERSONAL while at work. Only the quality you put in your work is. #BizChatKuppulakshmi@mashbusiness A8: It may be difficult, but be upfront and honest. #BizChatsJennifer Baker@mashbusiness A8. Share your light with everyone you meet #BizChatsSylvia Lafair, Ph.D@mashbusiness A8. Always start fresh each new day. Don't drag yesterday's problems into tomorrow's future. #BizChatsTracey Edouard@mashbusiness A8. Be part of the movement of fearlessness #patternpioneers to help business be a great place to learn #BizChatsSylvia Lafair, Ph.DQ8. Best tip to improve *crazy* work relationships . . . Golden Rule. Treat others as you would like to be treated. #BizChatsDr. Leah KlungnessClosing Comments:Thank you for joining today’s #BizChats!Mashable BusinessSpecial thanks to our experts: @Dr_Leah, @drmelanieG, @SuzyWelch, & @sylvialafair! #BizChatsMashable BusinessLoved being a part of it. Thanks to everyone! Great comments! https://t.co/d9C1Q41S9dSuzy WelchThank you @mashbusiness. Appreciate the opportunity. Splendid company. #BizChatsDr. Leah KlungnessHuge thanks to @mashbusiness for an awesome hour of #BizChats. Learning from others is the real key to development. Can't wait to join againDiana KolesarovaThank you @mashbusiness for a fantastic #BizChats today!HotSchedulesRCT@mashbusiness Always glad to be here 😊 #BizChatsThe Muse@mashbusiness Thank you, from India! #BizChats https://t.co/pEhvei1JttKuppulakshmi@mashbusiness I hate it must end! The experts are truly giving away gold today. #BizChatsJoynicole MartinezCompletely enjoyed #BizChats and learning more about #TalentManagement thanks to you all for your wisdom! https://t.co/ZT9U2j6XwkJoynicole Martinez@mashbusiness always a pleasure. I feel stronger after #BizChats - totally empowered!Joynicole MartinezMashable

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Tracey Edouard

Tracey Edouard is a Social Media Assistant for Mashable, with a primary focus on daily content optimization for Mashable Business & Startups on Facebook, LinkedIn and Twitter. Since the start of her internship in September 2014, Tracey has created and managed the first-ever #BizChats Twitter chat, a new series which highlights various topics surrounding business. She's a Long Island native and a proud graduate of The Pennsylvania State University (May 2013).