8 terrible jeans that prove denim has gone too far
It's official: Denim has gone too far.
Jeans were accidentally created when French designers in the 1700s attempted to recreate a thick textile called serge. Instead, they made "serge de Nimes" -- now known as denim.
The fabric was industrialized when Levi Strauss brought the fabric to the United States in 1853, manufacturing it into sturdy trousers that would withstand both harsh mining conditions and rugged expeditions into the wild, wild west. Blue jeans were as much the counterculture zeitgeist of the 1960s and 1970s as rock music and anti-war efforts, cementing its status as a fashion staple.
But with great regret we must inform you that humanity has killed denim. Here are 8 examples of the worst jeans 2018 has to offer.
1. The laziest attempt at a belt jeans
Who asked for this? Who approved this? This "denim waist belt" is literally just the waistband of another pair of jeans. Why does it have a fly? Why would you need to unzip?
The Unravel Project, the designers behind this head scratcher, originally sold the "waist belt" on Net-A-Porter for $405. By some fashion miracle, it's sold out.
2. The terrible excuse for vintage upcycling jeans
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The model's face says it all: "I have made a grave mistake. Please. Help me."
This "vintage re-worked denim bustier" is basically the waistband of a pair of jeans sewn onto a plain white t-shirt. The "cut-off denim insert" is great if you're "partial to a textural switch-up," according to the ASOS description. As @rubyetc said in their tweet, the outfit looks like the product of a drunken mishap. You can still get it at ASOS for the perfectly reasonable price of $56. What a steal!
3. The recurring nightmare jeans
Remember that recurring middle school nightmare you had, where your pants ripped during school and exposed your backside to all of your classmates? Good news! Someone made your hell into a real thing. Pretty Little Thing's "distressed bum rip high waisted skinny jean" exposes your lower butt cheeks for the whole world to see, for just £25.00. Trauma not included.
4. The high waisted jeans from hell
Some designer thought, "Hey, I'll take something perfectly fine and make it terrible," and created these hellish pants. ASOS' "triple waistband jean in Vogue Blue" features a trendy raw hem and straight leg, and then ruins it with three -- yes, you read that right, three -- waistbands. Unfortunately, it's sold out, but you could probably recreate the look with some old pants and a true hatred for practicality.
5. The lace up jeans that are honestly just a denim thong
If you've ever wanted to look like you've been laced into an adult diaper, look no further. Fashionnova's "Wild Thang Lace Up Pants" are here for you. The pants are a party in the front, but business in the back, with complete butt coverage (in case you were worried) and a zipper for a smooth fit. The pants also come in a variety of fun camo prints just in case you need to hide in the woods.
6. The awkward dad jeans, emphasis on awkward
Broke: double cuffing your jeans. Woke: wearing four cuffs on your jeans. Y/Project's "multi-cuff" denim disaster is genderless, which is very progressive. The jeans also have four cuffs sewn over the knees, which is even more progressive. You can buy these baddies at odd92 for just $525.
7. The breezy butt jeans
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Is ASOS even trying anymore?
Pants have literally one job: cover your junk. The "black label chaps" doesn't even do that, and when it was in stock, was a costly £75.
8. The humanity has given up jeans
This is capitalism at its peak. Camar's "extreme cut out jean" is a whopping $168 for a denim belt holding up some threads. This is what you wear when you've truly given up on society. These pants will be found in an archeological dig 10,000 years from now and will be the marker for when humanity collectively gave up.
On the plus side, Camar's description says these jeans are high-rise and "relaxed fit," so at least they're comfortable.
