15 gifts you should not give your mom for Mother's Day

If possible, you should avoid being a terrible child this Mother's Day season.

Mother's Day is a time to let the mom in your life know how much you appreciate her. As such, do not give her a crusty pasta sculpture or a gift you plan to "borrow" within 24 hours.

But before you start brainstorming the perfect present, here are 15 Mother's Day gifts to strike from your brain immediately.

Repeat: do not give your mother these items for Mother's Day. Or any day, really. 

1. Macaroni art

Sorry, adult child. These works of art, while delightful, don't fly if you're over age eight.

2. Gwyneth Paltrow's favorite bee sting treatment

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Letting your mother get stung by bees is not a good gift.

3. A lame IOU note

As all the world's great poets have said, "Why don't you just do the thing now?"

4. A "Mom" tattoo on your own flesh

She is a good woman. Don't put her through this.

5. Any dessert involving fondant

Fondant shapes might be adorable, but don't let them deceive you: fondant tastes like sugar plastic.

Fon-don't give your blessed mother fondant.

6. Handmade packaging if you are not a kid or an artist

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It's not cute anymore. But don't worry, you still are!

7. A framed photo of you without your siblings

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If you aren't the favorite sibling now, this isn't going to change things.

8. A card that is on sale

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Just spend one more dollar.

9. A pet of any kind

We can't trust you to remember which animals your mother is allergic to.

10. A passive-aggressive gift

What are you, a monster?

11. Tickets to Hamilton

Keep them for yourself. If your mom wants to see Hamilton, she can enter the lottery on her own damn time.

12. Her Netflix account that you stole in 2009

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This is not a gift — yes, even if you return it right before Orange is the New Black comes out.

13. A special edition copy of The Mask

We know this is your favorite movie, and that you are just going to steal it.

14. Cash

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This wouldn't be so weird if your mom was your grandchild, but we don't think that is the case.

15. Nothing

For the love of God, this woman raised you. Get it together, you garbage offspring.

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