Zach Braff's plea to play Stephen Miller on 'SNL' is waaaay too thirsty

Zach Braff -- best known for his role as Regular White Dude in every TV show (Scrubs) and film (Garden State) he's ever been in -- made a thirsty request on Twitter.

His plea from Wednesday all but begged famed Saturday Night Live boss Lorne Michaels to cast him as Trump's senior policy advisor, Stephen Miller. And dear god, Zach -- buddy -- no. That's just not how this works.

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The well-oiled machine of SNL has managed to both write and stage its elaborate sketch show week after week and decade after decade. And that wasn't accomplished by making casting decisions via social media.

Of course, there are plenty of celebs who have made similar requests and offers regarding the Trump administration, like Rosie O'Donnell.

But lol, really guys? Are you new to this whole Hollywood thing? Or are you actors who've enjoyed blessedly long-lasting careers?

As producer Lindsay Shookus explained a few months ago in a Hollywood Reporter profile on this season of SNL, shit like that just does not fly here:

We’ve gotten a lot of pitches from people, big people, like, I can play this person on the Cabinet, or I can play this person. It’s in the vein of Melissa and Alec and Larry David, and it’s never happened before. We got a lot of Kellyanne [Conway] and [Steve] Bannon pitches. But the casting has to make sense. You don’t want to make a splash to make a splash. That’s not what we do.

Braff didn't even have the decency to slide into Lorne Michaels' DMs to make his thirst known. Instead, he made his appeal publicly, by assuring him that he "can do this." Like he's a kid in Little League with pretty severe daddy issues.

And I mean, what agent told Braff he'd be just perfect to play this garbage fire White House administration's most boring character? You're not wrong. But this isn't right.

But let's give Braff the benefit of the doubt. Maybe he's not just an antsy actor looking to fill up his ample free time with a nice paycheck. Maybe he's like us, and feeling powerless in the face of the collapse of American democracy -- and hoping to lend his art to the cause.

In this rare case, I think I can speak for Lorne when I say: Thanks, Zach! But nah.