Lagging behind Joe Biden in the polls, Donald Trump is on a mission to delegitimize and undermine mail-in voting in the middle of a pandemic, and he'll destroy the U.S. Postal Service to get it done. Stephen Colbert took a deep dive into the push during Thursday night's Late Show monologue, including a look at major Trump donor turned Postmaster General Louis DeJoy's glaring conflict of interest.
"DeJoy may have personal reasons to kill the post office," Colbert explained, "because the government review of the finances of DeJoy and his wife revealed the couple's holdings include between 30 and 75 million dollars in assets of Postal Service competitors or contractors. The guy heading the post office would make millions from its destruction. That's like replacing the Surgeon General with Joe Camel.
"Even for [Trump], this is a bold move, given the Postal Service is the most popular government agency in the country with a 91 percent favorability rating," Colbert said incredulously. "91 percent! That's the kind of popularity enjoyed only by chicken-fried orgasms.
"The point is, we can't let Trump get away with undermining our democracy by destroying a basic function of government," he went on. "Establishing post offices is in the Constitution. Congress needs to stand firm and protect the United States Postal Service with the same fervor the right uses to defend guns. What I'm saying is, you can have my sister-in-law's Christmas newsletter when you pry it from my cold dead hands."
Of course, Thursday's other big story was the latest Trump tell-all memoir — and because this one's by his former personal lawyer and fixer Michael Cohen, emphasis on the "all." Cohen announced the book and also released the foreword, which contains a laundry list of shit he helped Trump get away with, from tax fraud to "golden showers at a sex club in Las Vegas." A gleeful Colbert received this gift gratefully.
"That's right," he began. "He talks about the golden showers. Mr. President, urine trouble. And you know, I'm sure that makes you pissed. But Cohen was your number one! He used to be your whiz kid, now he's leaking everywhere. You might call it yellow journalism, but all you can do, little piggy, is go wee, wee, wee, all the way home."
Topics Donald Trump Politics
