Read the jokes Ann Coulter turned down for Rob Lowe's Roast
Ann Coulter isn't funny, as she proved during Monday night's at Comedy Central Roast of Rob Lowe when all of her jokes fell flat. Maybe she would've gotten more laughs if she'd used the script that professional comedy writers prepared for her.
Roast writers Mike Lawrence and Earl Skakel wrote some burns for the conservative political commentator. But she turned them down and went with her own stuff instead.
"She does not understand humor or joy," Lawrence said during a roast aftershow hosted on Facebook Live. "Most of what you saw was her own stuff."
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Not wanting to let good jokes go to waste, the writers' busted out their very own "Coultergeist" hand puppet and used it to share the burns that the real Coulter turned down. Here they are:
Good evening, America. I'm here to honor Rob Lowe, and I have to say, Rob: it's nice to finally not be the most hated person in the room.
Peyton Manning is a model citizen and his forehead is a model for the wall that Trump's going to put between the U.S. and Mexico.
Ralph Macchio's first ever credit was in the movie Up the Academy, playing a character by the name of Chooch Bambalazi. Are you serious? Even Donald Trump thinks it's too racist to call a wop "Chooch Bambalazi."
That would be like if Jeff Ross's first credit was a character named Moshe Gefilte Fish Streisand Six Millionberg. And before you ask, Jeff: I wouldn't fuck you with Hillary Clinton's dick.
Rob Lowe is like America: he hasn't been great since Reagan was president, and unemployment is becoming more and more of a problem for him.
Giving you a roast is the worst decision Comedy Central has made since they replaced Jon Stewart with a South African child. That's a Trevor Noah joke; the one immigrant I'm most excited to see get deported. Am I white, people? Am I white?
You can also watch the full Facebook Live right here:
Adam Rosenberg is a Senior Games Reporter for Mashable, where he plays all the games. Every single one. From AAA blockbusters to indie darlings to mobile favorites and browser-based oddities, he consumes as much as he can, whenever he can.Adam brings more than a decade of experience working in the space to the Mashable Games team. He previously headed up all games coverage at Digital Trends, and prior to that was a long-time, full-time freelancer, writing for a diverse lineup of outlets that includes Rolling Stone, MTV, G4, Joystiq, IGN, Official Xbox Magazine, EGM, 1UP, UGO and others.Born and raised in the beautiful suburbs of New York, Adam has spent his life in and around the city. He's a New York University graduate with a double major in Journalism and Cinema Studios. He's also a certified audio engineer. Currently, Adam resides in Crown Heights with his dog and his partner's two cats. He's a lover of fine food, adorable animals, video games, all things geeky and shiny gadgets.
