I communicated like Cher for the day and people didn't know what to make of it
LONDON -- Cher, if you're reading this, I want you to know that your tweet game is seriously fierce.
On Twitter, Cher is outspoken. She's political. She's heartfelt. And, she's also pretty damn hilarious. In short, no one does Twitter like Cher does.
Cher's tweets tell the story of a human being; one that sometimes sends butt tweets or forgets to upload the photo to her tweet.
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She is every single one of us. Which is why I decided to spread some joy to my immediate circle of friends, colleagues and family by communicating with Cher tweets for a day.
Needless to say, it brought endless joy and much, much confusion.
Here's how my day went down.
9:00 a.m.: RESEARCH
You don't just become Cher, you know. It takes real work.
And, although I've made a study of Cher's tweets, I decided to refresh my knowledge of the rudiments of Cher-like communications.
The rules:
ALWAYS WRITE IN BLOCK CAPITALS
If you can replace a word with an emoji, do it.
The more obscure the emoji, the better.
Esoteric tweets only add to the mystique.
Always replace 'to' with '2', 'for' with '4'.
9:50 a.m.: "WHY NOT2 TUFF"
Cher knows the meaning of hard work. So, after spending my first hour getting my shizz together (reading Cher tweets), I began communicating with my beloved Mashable UK colleagues.
I started off by sending our social media editor -- Maya Robert -- some of Cher's political thoughts via Slack.
Cher's been ~highly~ vocal about her distaste for Donald Trump and her support for Hillary Clinton. Naturally, this dose of girl power was the perfect way to kick things off.
Still, it appeared a bit out of the blue to Maya, who responded with a puzzled "who is that?"
9:54 a.m.: "Let's have a moment of calm"
Gianluca Mezzofiore is Mashable UK's realtime news reporter. To say he didn't understand what was happening would be a colossal understatement.
Cher has an extensive emoji vocabulary. And, her ability to unearth seldom used emoji in a creative way never fails to amaze me. I decided it was time to unearth some of the more obscure emoji lurking in the recesses of my keyboard.
Shortly after this emoji exchange, Gianluca turned to me and said "What's wrong with you?" followed by "I don't understand what's happening."
This was disappointing as I had hoped he would find encouragement from Cher's motivational tweet and clever use of emoji.
10:34 a.m.: "DONT 4GET...YOU ARE SPECIAL & UNIQUE"
I decided that my fellow Mashable UK teammates needed a little mid-morning boost.
Thankfully, Mashable UK's deputy editor -- Liza Hearon -- knows how to take a compliment. She thanked me for my kind words. You're welcome, Liza! Cher is nothing if not encouraging.
10:41 a.m.: "PULLED UP MY SWAROVSKI CRYSTAL G-STRING"
Next, I Slacked my much-loved colleague, Elisha Hartwig. I knew she'd appreciate some empowering words.
Her response wasn't quite what I had anticipated, however.
"Wait what hahahaha."
How rude.
1:53 p.m.: ~tears~
Time for some more inexplicable and unintentionally risqué emoji. Kind of like this tweet, which was horribly misconstrued.
This Tweet is currently unavailable. It might be loading or has been removed.
I dropped this bad boy into Team UK's slack channel. And, it was met with ~zero~ response. Zero.
1:55 p.m.: "MUST WATCH NEWS"
Keen to not let an awkward silence ensue after my previous failed tweet, I decided a more relevant Cher tweet wouldn't go amiss. As a journalist, I felt this one would be apt...
But, no. Again, my tweet was met with silence.
2:10 p.m.: "Ppl who use emoji are having more sex."
After my previous tweets fell flat on their face, I was feeling starved of attention. I knew I needed to up my game.
I moved my efforts into a different realm; one where Cher's tweets would either sink or swim. I sent my Tinder matches Cher's tweets and it was...interesting.
Firstly I chose one of Cher's saucier tweets, which immediately felt like a rookie error.
Online dating is tough, and you've really got to stand out from the crowd when it comes to your opening line. I chose some of Cher's more declarative and esoteric tweets in an effort to kickstart some conversation.
Again, this did not elicit the desired response. What was happening?
It was as if I was speaking a language that nobody understood. I felt alone, bereft, and unable to convey my true feelings.
But, then I thought about what Cher would do if faced with the same situation. She would flick her hair and tell me to snap the hell out of it.
3:15 p.m.: I'm stronger
After a brief hiatus to channel my inner Cher, I got back in the game. Cher often tweets when she's signing off Twitter for a while, just in case her fans wonder where she's gone. I thought I'd jump back into Team UK's Slack channel to make sure my fans -- a.k.a. my colleagues -- knew where I was.
Thankfully, one of my fans -- Liza Hearon -- reciprocated, which filled my heart with joy.
4:21 p.m.: "OK FOUND MY ARMOR PLATED BIG GIRL G-STRING"
Once I'd done some more work -- stories don't write themselves, you know -- I remembered that I hadn't said anything for a while. Late afternoon is the perfect time for earth-shattering Cher inspo. So I dropped in this nugget of empowerment and sent it to my colleagues.
By this point, I really felt like I had just found my armour plated big girl G-string.
5:35 p.m.: "MY ACTUAL JOB IS BEING AN ICON"
Tim Chester -- assistant editor, real time news -- might have come late to the party, but I sure am glad he came.
Yes, Tim, it was a Cher tweet. Top marks for you.
Slack was transformed into a Cher tweet party. And, it was the best damn party of my life.
7:33 p.m.: "I'LL KICK ASS TILL IM 100"
Naturally, there were a few people in my life who quite simply did not understand my well-meaning gestures. By brother, Jamie, who replied with a simple 'WTF'. Hey, you win some, you lose some.
While my day was undoubtedly a challenge, I learned a great deal from Cher's tweets.
I realised that people really respond to spontaneous words of encouragement. At work, we could all use some motivational speeches once in a while.
This Tweet is currently unavailable. It might be loading or has been removed.
Cher knows what it means to feel misunderstood, but she just DGAF. I, too, should give fewer fucks.
Let's face it. We could all do with channelling our inner Cher.
Rachel Thompson is the Features Editor at Mashable. Rachel's second non-fiction book The Love Fix: Reclaiming Intimacy in a Disconnected World is out now, published by Penguin Random House in Jan. 2025. The Love Fix explores why dating feels so hard right now, why we experience difficult emotions in the realm of love, and how we can change our dating culture for the better.
A leading sex and dating writer in the UK, Rachel has written for GQ, The Guardian, The Sunday Times Style, The Telegraph, Cosmopolitan, Glamour, Stylist, ELLE, The i Paper, Refinery29, and many more.
Rachel's first book Rough: How Violence Has Found Its Way Into the Bedroom And What We Can Do About It, a non-fiction investigation into sexual violence was published by Penguin Random House in 2021.
