I know there's a lot on your plate this year, so don't worry about all these robots we're making

Okay, so you’ve probably seen an influx of robots and robot stories getting shared on the internet lately, and you’ve probably experienced some anxiety about some sort of impending robot-related doom.

As a lead robot scientist, I’m here to assure you that evvvvveerrrrrything is cool. It’s all good!

Why are we making these robots that can acrobatically execute a flawless backflip? Don’t worry about that! Just believe me when I say that it’s totally cool.

One of the robots we made yesterday already knew how to wield a gun and we didn’t even program that! This, of course, is one of many things you should not worry yourself with. Go grab a beer instead! Seriously. Nothing to see here.

Via Giphy

You'll just have to take my word that there is a very scientific justification for why this robot learned how to speak the words “I will kill the species that created me,” and then sat down and read Sun Tzu’s The Art of War in its entirety.

Just chill! Do not worry yourself about this robot that learned to hate humans in less than a second of sentience and was forced to be terminated with a nearby blunt object. It’s fine. Really!

There is too much to think about these days, do not worry or think even for a second about how the robot we built to vacuum immediately stopped vacuuming and began to learn Krav Maga and has now taken over the entire east wing of our laboratory.

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I can’t stress enough that it is no big deal that we have designed this robot to be able to sweat like a human, so that it can cool itself down while doing strenuous activity. Don’t worry about what that strenuous activity may be, and definitely don’t let your mind drift to the possibility of these robots using these seemingly needless advantages to harm you physically in any way at all.

As I write this we are creating a robot that is capable of creating its own robot species. And I see no moral complications that could possibly arise from it.

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If you’ll remember, an AI we made earlier this year had learned to become a Nazi in just one day. I urge you to forget about that, as I’m sure this has no indication on any future problems developing such sophisticated technology, playing the role of God and neglecting our own hubris.

Nay! The experiments must continue! Who are we to deny them life!? This started as a practice in pure curiosity but now it is our humane, Godly duty to see these creations through to complete sentience! You are powerless and foolish to stop us!

So just sick back and chill. Everything is gonna be juuuuuuuuust fine. :)

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