4 ways to be there for someone who is grieving during the holidays
The holiday season is meant to be a period filled with joy. But for many people it's a sad reminder of past or recent tragedy: the death of a loved one, a devastating medical diagnosis, a difficult divorce. That grief can feel more intense when no one acknowledges your pain.
That's why OptionB.org, the website founded earlier this year by Facebook COO Sheryl Sandberg, launched a campaign to give people practical tips and recommendations for reaching out to grieving friends and loved ones during the holidays.
#OptionBThere is a collection of resources that includes sensitive holiday cards, tips on how to discover your "empathy superpower," insight on how to give a meaningful gift, and directions on how to host a dinner party for people who may be struggling with grief. It also offers recommendations for people who've experienced loss and want extra support.
The goal is to encourage people to find ways to connect to loved ones coping with loss, even if that feels intimidating or uncomfortable, says Rachel Thomas, president of OptionB.Org.
"Social support and caring support make a difference, but a lot of the time people don’t know what to do," she says.
Instead of letting worry consume you while staying silent, consider these four approaches to conquering your fear or discomfort:
1) Don't obsess over saying the right thing
Far too often we don't reach out to people who've experienced loss because we're convinced the wrong words will cause more pain. But not reaching out at all can be equally or even more hurtful. An email, text message, letter, or greeting that acknowledges their loss and asks how they're doing can make all the difference.
This Tweet is currently unavailable. It might be loading or has been removed.
2) Keep your gestures simple
If you want to do more than ask how someone is doing, offer to drop off groceries, bring over a hot meal, or watch their child. Such gestures can ease holiday stress and show someone that you care. If you prefer a holiday greeting card but can't find the right one in your local drugstore, #OptionBThere commissioned downloadable "empathy cards" that combine sensitive humor with emotional honesty.
3) Don't force someone to enjoy the holidays
Supporting someone who is coping with tragedy or loss during this time of year doesn't mean trying to make them feel full of holiday cheer. Instead, your goal should be to accept whatever holiday experience they want. No Christmas tree for them? Fine. Do they want to skip religious services this year? OK. The best thing you can do, says Thomas, is follow your loved one's lead.
4) Cherish the old memories and create new ones
Sweeping statements or talking in broad strokes about someone else's pain probably won't help. What will provide comfort is your willingness to cherish old memories and create new ones with them. Focus on small moments where you can genuinely connect, rather than looking for opportunities to talk them out of their grief.
For more tips about supporting a loved one during the holidays, visit OptionB.org.
Topics Health Mental Health Social Good
Rebecca Ruiz is a Senior Reporter at Mashable. She frequently covers mental health, digital culture, and technology. Her areas of expertise include suicide prevention, screen use and mental health, parenting, youth well-being, and meditation and mindfulness. Rebecca's experience prior to Mashable includes working as a staff writer, reporter, and editor at NBC News Digital and as a staff writer at Forbes. Rebecca has a B.A. from Sarah Lawrence College and a masters degree from U.C. Berkeley's Graduate School of Journalism.
