Why you should spend your Valentine's Day with Michael Bolton, The Lonely Island and Comedy Bang Bang
In Michael Bolton's Big, Sexy Valentine's Day Special, our hero has a mission on a cold winter day: To get people so in the mood that they can’t resist having sex and bringing more babies into the world by Christmas.
"I just think romantic comedies are so silly because it's like, why should we care if two people kiss?" says Comedy Bang Bang's Scott Aukerman, who co-directed the special with The Lonely Island's Akiva Schaffer.
"Yeah but I watch," Schaffer replies. "I'm always just disappointed because I want penetration at the end or else I don't even understand what's happening."
"I knew he wouldn't stay on kissing very long," Bolton chimes in. "He went straight to the penetration."
Mashable sat down with the trio behind Bolton's Valentine's Day special, and though we veer from questions about the Valentine’s Day special, why you should watch it is clear — because like its creators it is exceedingly, exhaustingly funny.
What's your favorite thing to do on Valentine’s Day?
Schaffer: Bone. Aukerman: Zone. The Bone Zone. Bolton: Um…clone.
Aukerman: I think you've got to make your partner feel sexy. That's why I wake up my wife at four in the morning and I say, "Get into some high heels and lingerie, honey! Make me feel sexy!" So I order her to do that. Schaffer: ...That's kind of a gift to her, though. Cause then she feels so sexy and she's like, "Thank you for doing this for me." Bolton: I walk in and I see my wife and I say, "You're perfect just the way you are." And then I realize: I'm not married, this is somebody else's house, and I run home.
Most memorable Valentine's Day?
Bolton: Coming up. This is probably not going to sound romantic to you, but I have a show in Hawaii and I'm really looking forward to being in Hawaii. But at this moment I don't have a significant other to have a romantic Valentine's Day with, so I'm kind of depressed and I'm going to start crying right now. What should I cry like? Aukerman: Cry like a little baby. Bolton: Oh no -- a baby, I can't do that. Schaffer: You can cry like a little boy. On set, [Aukerman] had to give the direction of "Cry like a little boy" a few times, genuinely.
Bolton: ...Can you use any of this? Schaffer: There's nothing wrong with anything we've said, so far, that I can see. Aukerman: I stand by it, one hundred percent. Schaffer: And it was said in earnest. Aukerman: In Ernest Goes to Jail.
[They launch into references and reverence of the Ernest movies.]
What should people do to get in the mood this Valentine's Day?
Bolton: Whatever you do, watch the special. Everything else you do has to be built around that. Aukerman: First thing in the morning, watch the special. Schaffer: But that's gonna get them real horny. Aukerman: Yeah, you're going to have an erection for the next four to six hours. Bolton: No matter who you're around. Schaffer: Or if you're even a woman. Aukerman: That's the weird part: When women watch the special, they're going to grow penises.
Was that problematic on set?
Aukerman: Yeah it was. I have a policy on my sets where everyone is wearing a cup, but the women weren't. So we also have dodgeball games during lunch, and we found that a lot of women got dodgeballs in the crotches and they were going "OH, MY BALLS!" Schaffer: Where are you from again? Mashable? Is this the kind of thing Mashable readers will like? Aukerman: Oh this isn't The Old Gray Lady?
Oh man, I want to keep pulling at this thread.
Schaffer: Yeah well, it will unravel all the way at some point.
Favorite romantic comedy?
Aukerman: Is 12 Years a Slave -- Schaffer: No. Bolton: No. Stop him now. Schaffer: Guys. When Harry Met Sally is the best romantic comedy. Aukerman: When Harry Met Sally. Because it answers the question "Can a man and a woman be friends?" Schaffer: I also enjoy Notting Hill a lot. Aukerman: And that answers the question "Can a man and a woman be friends?" Schaffer: Is Jerry Maguire a romantic comedy? Well then, that's top of the list.
Describe the special in three words.
Aukerman: Engorged. Schaffer: Satisfying. Bolton: Penetration. Schaffer: Oh no.
Hey, that ended up being a full phrase!
Schaffer: I know. It's regrettable.
Michael Bolton's Big, Sexy Valentine's Day Special is now streaming on Netflix.
Topics Netflix
Proma Khosla is a Senior Entertainment Reporter writing about all things TV, from ranking Bridgerton crushes to composer interviews and leading Mashable's stateside coverage of Bollywood and South Asian representation. You might also catch her hosting video explainers or on Mashable's TikTok and Reels, or tweeting silly thoughts from @promawhatup.
