Forget the Notes app: 9 places we'd rather celebrities put their apologies
What do Lena Dunham, Logan Paul, and, most recently, Drake have in common?
They've each at some point employed their iPhone Notes apps to pen statements and apologies for all the world to see. Those longwinded chunks of text are an inevitable part of most celebrity scandal life cycles.
Now, in my humble opinion, the Notes app is strictly to be used for grocery lists, makeshift diary entries, and lists of shows your friends tell you to watch, though you never will. Celebrity drama would be much more interesting if famous people would break free from Notes app mold and try something new.
But first, how'd we get here?
Thanks to social media, the nature of how celebrities interact with the public has changed significantly. Platforms like Twitter and Instagram serve as a direct portal to consumers (that's us, the plebeians) and the need for a middle man to relay information has become somewhat unnecessary.
Need to apologize for something incredibly offensive that you said in an interview? Take a screenshot of a statement crafted in the Notes app, and voila: You've said what you need to say on your own terms and with no pesky character limit.
Lindsey Weber and Bobby Finger, hosts of the "Who? Weekly" podcast, were two of the first journalists to notice a trend towards celebrity Notes app usage.
As they explained in a 2016 piece for Vanity Fair:
"All of these notes—posted to Instagram or tweeted—took the place of a traditional press release or a two-page spread in People magazine. We don’t need those things anymore, many of our favorite (and not-so-favorite) celebrities agreed."
As Finger noted on Jezebel back in 2016, it's a tactic that's been used by everyone from Ariana Grande, who apologized for that infamous doughnut-licking scandal, to the NFL.
Today, this method is a go-to for public statements of all kinds. Just last week, Drake used to the app to clarify the details behind a damming 2007 photo in which he's seen wearing blackface.
And ugly as the interface is, it gets around the 280-character limit imposed by Twitter, and it's easy to cross-post to Instagram.
But good things, when done in excess, are bound to become a meme — and when a new Notes app screenshot is released into the wild, the jokes come pouring in.
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Personally, we're tired of this. But where, if not the Notes app, should celebrities put their apologies? Here are a few of my very real suggestions. Famous people, take notes on any medium you choose.
1. The back of a receipt
While you're confessing your sins and asking for our forgiveness, you might as well share what you're spending your hard-earned money on. We stan transparency of all kinds!
2. On the back of the handwritten recipe for your mom's famous cookout dish
That way we know you're really serious about your apology.
3. Paint it on a mural...
There's nothing like disguising your lackluster apology in beautiful imagery to distract people from the fact that you didn't actually use the word "sorry."
4. ...or rent a billboard
Billboards are typically reserved for advertising or for admissions of love, but isn't a successful celebrity apology note essentially a combination of both?
5. Actually, skywrite it amongst the clouds, please!
Give us a break from staring at our screens.
6. Hide it in a crossword puzzle
Most "apologies" are wordy and confusing. Make things more convoluted by hiding it in a crossword puzzle.
7. A note in a bottle thrown into the sea
This one is for apologies that aren't really necessary, but that you feel compelled to make anyway.
8. Your journal
And then take a photo and post that to Twitter. Let us see that nitty, gritty self-reflection!
9. A cat GIF
The cat GIF — otherwise known as the universal language of the internet. Cough up some remorse with a side of reusable content.
Topics Celebrities
