5 pranks from centuries ago that probably shouldn't come back
Today's April Fools' Day traditions have devolved into harmless brands inventing silly products and coworkers trying to make you open a can of mixed nuts with a plastic spring snake inside.
It was not always this nice.
Many, many years ago, in a crueler world, hoaxes and pranks that were pulled had a much more sinister nature. Animal cruelty, insane stunts to get attention and explosions seemed to be just part of a pranksters daily to do list a few centuries ago.
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After reading a few of these, you might just welcome the businesses that insist on taking a stab at creativity and the occasional office whoopie cushion.
The ol' bug in their apple bit
Fifteenth century monenestaries probably weren't hot beds for practical joke culture. Still, one monk had a little of the devil in him and wanted others to experience the same.
Thomas Betson, a monk at Syon Abbey in Middlesex, England, wrote in his journal of a prank he pulled on another monk. Betson hollowed out an apple and trapped a large beetle in it. He placed it on a table and, when it began moving on its own, many of the other monks believed it was possessed.
We're not sure what happened afterwards. We'd like to think there was some sort of produce exorcism, but the aftermath is lost in the sands of time.
This is certainly one of the tamer pranks, although it still is pretty gross.
The ol' exploding pepper shaker gag
The Baltimore Sun detailed a pretty vicious prank that one man pulled on his cook in 1839. The unidentified man put gunpowder in the pepper mill and then asked his cook, named Sam, for a meal.
The results were predictably explosive.
"Sam, with a live coal in his eye, dancing about, blind with rage, cleared the shelves of crockery with his toasting fork; and coming to anchor in a large block-tin dish cover, sat down to swear," the man wrote in the paper. "Never laughed so much in my life."
Please don't play this prank on anyone.
The ol' cat in a bag stunt
In 1882, The Goldsboro Messenger reported on an April Fools' Day trend that should really not return.
Apparently, people were sending cats in bags to places of work for a good laugh.
"'A live cat in a bag'” was received at this office from LaGrange on 'April fools' day," as reported by the Messenger. "We suppose it was intended to fool our 'devil.' We learn also that a similar present was received by Capt. Richardson of the Midland Road."
Then what? Are the people just left with a cat? Now that's their responsibility? Those poor cats.
This is not a nice thing to do for anyone.
The ol' 'I'm pregnant with rabbits' goof
In 1726, a British woman claimed to be pregnant with rabbits and a doctor claimed to have birthed 18 of them.
As newspapers were just beginning to dawn over the European landscape, this story captivated readers of the new media. Unfortunately, it was very untrue and very disturbing.
Mary Toft, a servant in Surrey, complained of labor pains, and when doctors arrived, she had 'delivered' dead rabbits. It caused quite a stir and made something of a celebrity out of Toft.
She continued to 'birth' them until she was ultimately caught actually placing the animals inside her vagina.
Please don't bring this prank back.
The ol' bat poop knee-slapper
This one is actually a great gag.
In the late 1790s, William Buckland, an undergraduate at Oxford, decided to pull a practical joke on the school with a little help from bat feces.
Guano, as bat droppings are sometimes called, is quite the plant fertilizer. Buckland knew this, so he took a whole host of guano, went out onto the Oxford College lawn and pasted the poop on the grass. He wrote out, "Guano."
Authorities cleaned it up immediately. However, the fertilizer made the grass in that spot grow so well that it grew extra fast and thick, continuing to basically spell out the word 'bat sh*t' over time. As much as Oxford would mow, it just kept coming back.
We could probably think of some better words to write, but still this is genius.
We could totally see this prank making a comeback after a long 230-year hiatus.
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I have done neat stuff all over these United States from sailing lessons on the Puget Sound to motorcycle maintenance on the backroads of upstate New York. My professional experience extends from newspaper reporting in the mountains of Eastern Oregon to fixing espresso machines throughout Kentucky. I also have kept a cat alive for 10 years.
