J.J. Abrams fixes America on 'South Park' by 'rebooting' the national anthem

J.J. Abrams did it! He fixed America!

Wait, that's not exactly true. He just... rebooted it.

Wait, that's not exactly true either. It was really more of a reimagination.

Reboot, sequel, whatever you call it, the Star Trek and Star Wars: The Force Awakens director made his debut as a South Park character on Wednesday night's Season 20 premiere "Member Berries" (though we never saw his actual face, in part because it's not really J.J.).

Faced with a crisis of athletes sitting, kneeling and doing anything but standing for the national anthem to draw attention to their favorite issues, the episode sees the nation's leaders turning to Abrams to "reboot" the, uh, beloved song.

"We know that you've been rebooting a lot lately," say a coalition of concerned citizens, as they approach his mansion. "And that you're tired."

Comedy Central's marketing team had us believe that the Star-Spangled Banner was getting some wickedly subversive rewritten lyrics, released in a teaser clip on Tuesday -- but that's not how it went down at all.

Instead, Abrams (not really J.J., let's be clear) had a brilliant and elegantly simple idea: making it so anyone can sit, stand, kneel or do whatever they like as the anthem plays to "honor America." With exactly the same words.

Lest you think Abrams was hailed only as an American hero here, he was also the introduction point for the episode's titular "member berries" -- a new superfruit that reminds anyone who eats them of all those special little childhood touchstones.

Each berry, with a warm and gooey smile on its face, speaks out joy-button memories, which just happen to be from movies that Abrams has rebooted.

"Remember Chewbacca?"

"Remember Mr. Spock?"

"Remember AT-ATs?"

"Remember Tricorders?"

But these member berries, which immediately get word-of-mouth traction with the residents of South Park, clearly have a sinister side. As Randy Marsh is unwinding one night with some Star Wars nostalgia, the member berries send up a new set of memories...

"Remember when there weren't so many Mexicans?"

"Remember when marriage was between a man and a woman?"

"Remember Reagan?"

Meanwhile, the presidential election -- now in full swing between Hillary Clinton (referred to only as "Turd Sandwich") and Mr. Garrison (called only "Giant Douche" and sporting a Donald Trump orange tan) continues apace.

Randy is losing his mind that anyone would choose a Giant Douche over a Turd Sandwich, while his son Stan speaks for many of us when he says: "I just don't understand why every four years you guys freak out about whether to vote for a giant douche or a turd sandwich."

Original image has been replaced. Credit: Mashable

And finally, the kids at South Park Elementary are seeking the true identity of SkankHunt42 -- the anonymous internet troll who's been harassing all the girls on the school's message board. Of course, they all suspect Cartman, who clearly is trying to start a gender war, but the episode's final shot reveals the troll's true identity (no spoilers, except the art at the top of this post. That's a spoiler.)

It also reveals a larger truth about South Park Season 20: Trey Parker and Matt Stone clearly had a great time making Season 19's episodes connect into a larger narrative arc -- and appear to be well on their way to doing that again. Just like they told Mashable back at Comic-Con.

Looks like it's going to be another great year at South Park, kids.