Watching Stormy Daniels decimate trolls on Twitter is its own kind of porn
Since Twitter won't ban trolls outright, perhaps the best thing we can do is subject them to a more restorative punishment -- Stormy Daniels' Twitter wrath.
Daniels, the porn star who allegedly had an affair with Donald Trump, has made liberals happier than they've been in years with her recent round of threats against the trolls who come for her.
We thought we'd seen it all when Stormy came forward with carnal "Shark Week" details, but the performer has promised us a whole new jizzy chapter of revelations. Robert Mueller, please pick up the pace.
Little attention has been paid to one of Stormy's lesser known gifts, her Twitter comebacks. They're no pee tape, but they're rich with orifice humor and GILF iconography.
Take a moment to watch a master at work.
Most of the trolls who attack her do so from the same exhausted, sexist lens. They go after Stormy for being a porn star, without realizing that (1) she still is a porn star, (2) she loves her job way more than they love theirs and, (3) they didn't do a proper spell check.
I know you're not supposed to respond to your trolls. There's just no joy in not feeding them now and again, even if it's just tiny teaspoons of rat poison. Some trolls are just too awful to politely neglect and go about your retweets. Other times it's just too easy.
How can you not go after a troll who criticizes you, a woman, for loving sex -- all while they voted for a bloated golf-obsessed reject who screams about grabbing pussies into his hot mic on a bus? Not even a train.
Real leadership requires real comebacks every now and again.
These are just a few of her greatest hits.
Look at that poise. Revel in that grammar. As you'll notice, a few of the men who initially tweeted at her deleted their tweets. They were vanquished. A few of them probably even liked it.
One Deplorable recently tweeted this at Stormy: “I find it hilarious that someone who sucks dicks for a living actually believes that anyone cares or believes what you say. You’re just a pathetic whore with no value. You’re as ugly on the outside as you are on the inside.”
To which Daniels responded:
"So…anyone/everyone who sucks dick is a liar? Learn something new everyday! But I’m not quite convinced. Opinions?"
My opinions: I will be crushed if Stormy can't return the money she received from that settlement and come forward with her story. I can't survive on leaks from the Mueller investigation alone. I need more. Maybe Jared can go to jail? Even if it's just a three-week vacation to the type of prison where they serve cronuts for breakfast.
Until then, I'll be routinely monitoring Stormy's Twitter timeline and trying to soak up a few characters of her courage.
There are few bright spots in the Trump era, and I'm not if sure the Twitter feed of a president's porn star girlfriend should count as one? Who cares. I'll take justice wherever I can find it still being practiced. Stormy may be our last good judge.
Topics Donald Trump
Heather was the Web Trends reporter at Mashable NYC. Prior to joining Mashable, Heather wrote regularly for UPROXX and GOOD Magazine, was published in The Daily Dot and VICE, and had her work featured in Entertainment Weekly, Jezebel, Mic, and Gawker. She loves small terrible dogs and responsible driving. Follow her on Twitter @wear_a_helmet.
