Yuppies terrified after 'news' that Trader Joe's is closing forever

The calendar still says it's March, but Yahoo has already pulled off what's sure to go down as one of the cruelest April Fools' Day pranks of the year.

A convincing imitation of a news article  -- since taken down but cached here -- posted to the site's style section on Thursday claimed that Trader Joe's would be closing all of its stores nationwide within the next year.

Food writer Delaney Strunk plugs through more than 200 words of fake news copy with unflinching seriousness before revealing the deception at the very end of the article. 

(Of course, quotes like, “At this point, there isn’t enough cookie butter in the world to pave the road ahead” might have raised some eyebrows.)  

While Yahoo took down the post, we've posted screenshots in its entirety below. 

Original image has been replaced. Credit: Mashable

Original image has been replaced. Credit: Mashable

Original image has been replaced. Credit: Mashable

People understandably freaked out -- some because of the premature timing of the gag and others because they actually thought their favorite grocery chain was going under. 

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A 2013 analysis of articles at Slate found that the average reader only reads about halfway through any given news article before leaving the page. Fewer still make it all the way to the end.

That fact, combined with the early date, make this an especially diabolical hoax.

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