If the first 30 seconds of the Fifty Shades Darker suggest that this isn't going to be a crazy kooky sex movie -- surprise! Anastasia Steele is back with Christian Gray and everything is creepy Beyoncé covers and everything hurts.
Fifty Shades of Grey ended with the couple splitting, probably because they spent too much time sitting at tables negotiating sex contracts. Anastasia displays a distinctly not-steely resolve in Darker by agreeing to go to dinner with her ex ("Because I'm...hungry") and ends up sliding off her panties under the table (Did they even get food??). CLASSIC.
Don't judge Anastasia too harshly for her actions -- she's probably just stuck in a narrative loop.
Fifty Shades Darker lands in theaters on Feb. 14. Happy Valentine's Day!
