Detective Pikachu's creepy old man voice is a crime against nature

You remember Pikachu, right? That joyful, electric yellow furball who's your constant companion and always ready with an affirming thumbs up and high-pitched exclamation of "PIKA!"

WELL HE'S DEAD NOW -- or at least forever tainted by the horrifying introduction of a grizzly-voiced Pikachu in a new trailer for the upcoming Detective Pikachu that none of us can ever unsee.

Slated for a March 23 release date, the Nintendo 3DS game will follow the journey of said Detective Pikachu as he tries to get to the bottom of strange disappearances in the Pokémon community. Appropriately, this bizarre-o world Private Eye version of Pikachu will be investigating "a puzzling case involving oddly behaving Pokémon."

And if a Pikachu suddenly adonning the tenor of Clint Eastwood in a Dirty Harry movie doesn't fall under the umbrella of "oddly behaving Pokémon," then we do not know what does.

The trailer sent the internet into an existential spiral, as people wrestled with whether the appeal of an adorable detective cap-wearing Pikachu was enough to stave off the horror of his old man voice.

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Others were more certain about where they stood on the noir Pikachu divide:

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This isn't the first or last time we'll be distressed by Pikachu's sudden careen into the uncanny valley of human voices.

In 2016, there was actually a petition to get Danny DeVito to voice the creature in an upcoming English adaptation of a live-action Japanese Pokémon film. But, we can rest easy, because the much softer, dulcet tones of Ryan Reynolds took the job instead.

But still: Back in November 2017, there was yet another upheaval over the disconcerting experience of hearing Pikachu speak. The animated movie Pokémon the Movie: I Choose You! sent a theater full of people into panicked screams, with one man shrieking "NO!" like someone had just viciously murdered his dog right before his eyes:

The terror is real, and we're still grappling with how this changes the entire fabric of reality. Because hearing a Pokémon speak makes us question exactly how ethical it is to capture and imprison wild animals with the capacity for human language, before then forcing them to fight each other to near death.

But I guess at least we all learned why Pokémon rarely ever spoke before now. And it's because they transform into demonic creatures sent from hell to give you never-ending nightmare fuel.

"Pika-whomst?" quoth the sentient creature, trapped inside your Pokéball and plotting world domination.