This is how the 'Simpsons' house would fare on 'House Hunters'
If you want to know whether your house has any worth in this world, check with the most powerful influencers in the home design game, the House Hunters community.
For over 100 seasons now, House Hunters couples have offered their mostly bad judgement on everything, from the necessity of having a double sink in a bathroom (lame) to the privilege of having an electric stove (wrong). Now that The Simpsons is a Disney property, and the entire world feels like its up for sale, it's worth wondering -- how much is Homer and Marge's house worth?
Let's have House Hunters decide.
To properly asses the property, we'll go room by room, closet by closet, using criteria I've mastered from watching 126 seasons of House Hunters (translation: don't @ me).
It's a tough market out there. Here's how the Simpson's house stacks up.
1. Front exterior: 8/10
House Hunters couples love vast amounts of space, even if that space is logged with watery sewage. The Simpsons house is a fairly expansive suburban property almost entirely free of trees, a real bonus for the environmentally indifferent Hunters community.
2. Roof: 2/10, though honestly most couples wouldn't notice
Couples on House Hunters routinely fail to ask important questions about the status of the roof and septic systems, and instead focus their energy on far more useless crap, like shoe closets. The Simpsons home is dilapidated, but I don't think any of this crowd, who is magically wealthier than me, would be smart enough to notice.
3. Kitchen: 1/10
There is only one thing House Hunters clients care about when it comes to kitchens, and that's stainless steel appliances. Most of the Simpsons' appliances appear to have been manufactured in 1968, though they get bonus points for an insane amount of counterspace.
4. Garage: 9/10
Couples in House Hunters tend to require a three car garage -- including two spaces for their cars and one for the man's "insaaaaane craft beer" setup. The Simpsons' is a roomy two.
5. Basement: 7/10
Unfinished and plagued with poor plumbing, House Hunters couples still go gaga for oversized basements like the one in the Simpsons' house. It's where their parents come and live when they're too old to be attractive enough to live on a higher floor.
6. Dining room: 5/10
Everyone on House Hunters seems to think that open floor plans are the only kind of floor plans that matter. I tend to agree, but the Simpsons' house has a traditional arched doorway that many know-nothings would identify as "quaint."
7. Entry foyer: 8/10
House Hunters participants would likely critique the Simpsons' foyer for failing to open to the living room, but would you look at the size of that thing? They've got 15 people in the foyer and people can still breathe. In New York City, that's a five-bedroom apartment.
8. Bathroom: 2/10
I've always enjoyed the oversized bathtub in the Simpsons house, and so too would House Hunters clientele. But the lack of a double sink is a painful flaw in the animators design, particularly for the House Hunters-verse who require three sinks per annoying person.
9. Master bathroom: 4/10
The Simpsons' master bath struggles with the same sink deficit as their other bathroom. Its shockingly contemporary shower which would very likely impress the House Hunters community, however, who loves nothing more than a shiny object.
10. Closet space: 9/10
Would you look at the depth of that closet? House Hunters wives, who love to conform to gendered stereotypes, could store their entire Keds collection in there.
11. Lisa, Bart and Maggie's bedrooms: 8/10
House Hunters families believe that every child should have their own room, and every house should have at least 10 guest rooms. The Simpsons should be proud that have so many completely expendable rooms. Don't forget Maggie has her own room, too.
12. Front parlor: 10/10
That bay window would immediately prompt a House Hunters couple to squeal "Look at that HISTORICAL CHARACTER!" even though this house was clearly built in the Reagan era.
13. Backyard: 3/10
The Simpsons' house, with its very normal-sized backyard, would fail to pass muster in the Hunters-verse, where size matters above all else and nobody ever worries about mowing.
14. Homer and Marge's room: 5/10
House Hunters couples typically require master bedrooms the size of small Latin American countries. Homey and Marge's room is relatively spacious, but is missing the critical walk-in closet these whack new money couples always demand.
14. The den: 1/10
The Simpsons' den is the spiritual home of their house. Unfortunately, their television is terribly positioned right under a window where light pours in, making it impossible to see the screen on a sunny day. The room further requires a sectional sofa, at least for television-viewing, but its dimensions can in no way support something that large.
I love this room. The Simpsons love this room. Even though the HGTV community -- beset with unrealistic expectations and a Target.com sense of style -- wouldn't judge it fairly, it will always score a 10/10 in our hearts.
Heather was the Web Trends reporter at Mashable NYC. Prior to joining Mashable, Heather wrote regularly for UPROXX and GOOD Magazine, was published in The Daily Dot and VICE, and had her work featured in Entertainment Weekly, Jezebel, Mic, and Gawker. She loves small terrible dogs and responsible driving. Follow her on Twitter @wear_a_helmet.
