A flock of 70 turkeys that poop on trucks has driven a small Oregon town to the brink

The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of turkeys and also the people who are trying to get the turkeys out of their town.

The small city of Pilot Rock, Oregon (1,500 residents), has reached out to the state for solutions to their wild turkey problem -- a problem in which a flock of 50 to 70 turkeys at a time rolls into town, separates into smaller groups, and causes turkey-related mayhem.

The turkeys stand accused of loitering in trees, digging up gardens and "covering" a pickup truck in their turds.

"Nothing is left," one resident, whose landscaping had been damaged, told the Pilot Rock City Council according to the East Oregonian. “They dust bathe in the soil. They eat whatever is there.”

The same resident once counted 68 birds in a yard at the same time. That works out to roughly one turkey for every 22 citizens, or a pretty good public school teacher-to-student ratio.

An official with Oregon Department of Fish and Wildlife (ODFW) had six recommended turkey solutions for the city, ranging from leading the birds elsewhere with food to your more basic "kill the turkeys dead" plan. It is up to the council to decide which option to pursue.

"No matter what we do, we're never going to get rid of all of them," the ODFW official said as, we imagine, the sky darkened and a thunder clap echoed somewhere in the distance.

May Pilot Rock find the courage to do what is necessary.